Heidi Mueller dating

Relationships. Heidi Mueller has been engaged to Matthew Lawrence (2004 - 2006).. Heidi Mueller has been in relationships with Eric Nystrom (2010 - 2012), Hunter Pence (2009), Jamie Kennedy (2007 - 2008), Mario Lopez (2006) and Thad Luckinbill (2003 - 2004).. About. Heidi Mueller is a 38 year old American Actress. Born Heidi Jo Mueller on 29th January, 1982 in Cincinnati, Ohio, she is famous ... See all Heidi Mueller's marriages, divorces, hookups, break ups, affairs, and dating relationships plus celebrity photos, latest Heidi Mueller news, gossip, and biography. Heidi Mueller is currently married to DeMarco Murray. She has been in seven celebrity relationships averaging approximately 5.8 years each. Summary: Heidi Mueller's birthday is 03/03/1981 and is 39 years old. Previous to Heidi's current city of Auburn Hills, MI, Heidi Mueller lived in Rochester MI. Other names that Heidi uses includes Heidi Alarice Mueller, Heidi A Reznikov, Heidi A Park, Heidi A Russell and Heidi Russell. Heidi Mueller. DeMarco Murray’s wife is Heidi Mueller. Heidi Mueller was born in and is currently 38 years old. He is a Spouse. The couple started dating in 2011. They’ve been together for approximately 9 years, 8 months, and 6 days. More about the Heidi Mueller and Tom Green dating / relationship. More about the Heidi Mueller and Hunter Pence dating / relationship. More about the Heidi Mueller and Thad Luckinbill dating / relationship. More about the Heidi Mueller and Matthew Lawrence dating / relationship. More about the Heidi Mueller and Eric Nystrom dating / relationship. Josh Duhamel dated Heidi Mueller in the past, but they broke up in 2004. Josh Duhamel is currently dating Audra Mari. Heidi Mueller and Matthew Lawrence were engaged for 1 year. They dated for 5 months after getting together in Jul 2004. They were engaged in Dec 2004 but later separated in Mar 2006. About. Heidi Mueller is a 38 year old American Actress. Born Heidi Jo Mueller on 29th January, 1982 in Cincinnati, Ohio, she is famous for Passions.

Lost in the Sauce: Dec 22 - 28

2019.12.30 14:57 rusticgorilla Lost in the Sauce: Dec 22 - 28

Edit Mon Jan 6: I worked all weekend, the edition of Lost in the Sauce that follows this one below from last week is going to be a little late - sorry about that! I hope to post it later today (Monday) or tomorrow morning at the latest.
Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater. (the previous edition can be found here if you are super behind)
Two important things:
FIRST, the headings will guide you through this piece. The Main Course covers the “big” stories and The Sides covers the “smaller” stories.
SECOND, I took a break from the audio TLDR this week. My apologies, been super busy. It will return for next week’s edition.
Finally:
Let’s dig in!
 

*Main Course*

Ukraine aid: The truth

The New York Times published an in-depth look at what happened during the roughly three months that the aid to Ukraine was withheld, revealing new information that highlights how much evidence the administration has hidden (and is still hiding) from congressional investigators. The piece also underscores that Trump was involved in every decision every step of the way.
Acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney, Russell T. Vought, the acting head of the Office of Management and Budget, Robert Blair, the senior adviser to Mulvaney, and Mark Paoletta, the budget office's top lawyer, were the key figures in executing Trump’s pressure campaign on Ukraine. All three refused to comply with House impeachment investigation.
“I’m just trying to tie up some loose ends,” Mr. Mulvaney wrote. “Did we ever find out about the money for Ukraine and whether we can hold it back?”
It was June 27, more than a week after Mr. Trump had first asked about putting a hold on security aid to Ukraine, an embattled American ally, and Mr. Mulvaney needed an answer.
The aide, Robert B. Blair, replied that it would be possible, but not pretty. “Expect Congress to become unhinged” if the White House tried to countermand spending passed by the House and Senate, he wrote in a previously undisclosed email. And, he wrote, it might further fuel the narrative that Mr. Trump was pro-Russia.
Not everyone was onboard:
Pentagon officials, in the dark about the reason for the holdup, grew increasingly frustrated. Ms. McCusker, the powerful Pentagon budget official, notified the budget office that either $61 million of the money would have to be spent by Monday, Aug. 12 or it would be lost. The budget office saw her threat as a ploy to force release of the aid.
At the White House, which had been looped into the dispute by the budget office, there was a growing consensus that officials could find a legal rationale for continuing the hold, but with the Monday deadline looming, it was a “POTUS-level decision,” one official said.
Among those who disagreed with Trump:
In late August, Defense Secretary Mark T. Esper joined Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and John R. Bolton, the national security adviser at the time, for a previously undisclosed Oval Office meeting with the president where they tried but failed to convince him that releasing the aid was in interests of the United States.
...“This is in America’s interest,” Mr. Bolton argued, according to one official briefed on the gathering.
“This defense relationship, we have gotten some really good benefits from it,” Mr. Esper added, noting that most of the money was being spent on military equipment made in the United States.
Mr. Trump responded that he did not believe Mr. Zelensky’s promises of reform. He emphasized his view that corruption remained endemic and repeated his position that European nations needed to do more for European defense.
“Ukraine is a corrupt country,” the president said. “We are pissing away our money.”
This article is very detailed and important to read to understand the events surrounding the hold on the aid. Message me if you are stuck behind the paywall but would like to read it anyway. Here are some non-paywalled summaries: Business Insider, HuffPost.

Promotion for stonewalling

Last week, President Trump gave a big promotion to Mulvaney aide Robert Blair, just weeks after Blair refused to cooperate with a House subpoena for his testimony in the impeachment inquiry. As the above NYT piece describes, Blair played a key role in withholding the aid to Ukraine despite the pushback from top officials and legal risks. Blair is now the special representative for international telecommunications policy and “will support the Administration’s 5G efforts led by the Assistant to the President for Economy Policy, Larry Kudlow.” In addition, Blair “will continue to serve as Assistant to the President and the Senior Advisor to the Chief of Staff.”

Trump’s July 25

Heidi Przybyla of NBC News noted an interesting detail from Trump’s Twitter feed on July 25, 2019 - the day that he spoke to Ukrainian President Zelensky on the phone. That morning, roughly an hour before the phone call, Trump was reading a Fox News poll (or saw the poll on TV) that showed Biden with a “commanding lead” for the Democratic nomination. The poll also included a hypothetical match-up between Biden and Trump in which Biden was favored by 10 percentage points.
Although circumstantial, this evidence provides insight into Trump’s frame of mind at the time of the July 25 phone call. He had just read a poll showing that he’d lose against Biden; he viewed Biden as a threat to his re-election. It was with this mindset that Trump pressured Zelensky to announce an investigation into Biden, effectively smearing his potential 2020 opponent.

The impact on Ukraine

NBC News reports that the delay in aid to Ukraine has worried top Ukrainian officials and has “exposed the cracks in the West’s response to an emboldened Russia, inflicted permanent damage on Ukraine and heightened the risk of Moscow extending its influence in the country.”
U.S. support, in particular, is seen as essential in keeping what is widely seen as a bully in the East at bay.
“Just the presence of the American army on the territory of Ukraine, in my opinion, already scares the enemy — even without any other aid,” said Ukraine Ground Forces Sgt. Maj. Yevhen Mokhtan, who works in this multinational training facility in western Ukraine.
Volodymyr Yermolenko, a professor who runs Ukraine World, an English-language media project aimed at combating disinformation and fake news: “The question about military aid to Ukraine is not about Ukraine; it’s about values. It’s about shifting Western liberal democracy eastward.”

Putin and Trump call

As has become routine, Americans learned from the Kremlin on Sunday that Russian President Vladimir Putin spoke with our president by phone earlier in the day. 24 hours later and the White House still has not acknowledged the call or provided a readout of what was discussed. The Kremlin released a readout immediately after the call, saying the two leaders discussed counter-terrorism efforts and "matters of mutual interest.”
"Vladimir Putin thanked Donald Trump for the information shared via the special services that helped prevent terrorist acts in Russia," the Kremlin-provided statement said. "Several matters of mutual interest were discussed. An agreement was made to continue bilateral cooperation in the fight against terrorism."
Reminder: This is a little out of date, but as of Oct. 4, 2019, Trump had privately spoken to Putin at least 16 times since his inauguration. The actual content of these conversations is often disputed and not recorded in any way. Two government watchdog organizations filed a lawsuit against Secretary of State Mike Pompeo for allowing Trump to seize notes from a meeting he had with Putin in 2017.

Trump outs the whistleblower

In an unprecedented step last week, the President of the United States put the alleged (and unsubstantiated) name of a federally-protected whistleblower out into the public. First, on Thursday, Trump retweeted a tweet sent by his re-election campaign (menacingly-named Trump “War Room”) containing an article that names the purported whistleblower. Then on Friday, in a late-night Twitter binge, Trump retweeted a post from a suspicious account with the name of the alleged whistleblower in the text of the tweet. In other words, Trump put the name of (who he believes is) the whistleblower on his official Twitter account, his main method of communication.
According to CNN, Twitter confirmed it “has suspended some of the pro-Trump accounts that Trump had promoted Friday night.” CNN also reported that the tweet containing the whistleblower’s name was removed from Trump’s account, but for many people (myself included), it is still visible on Trump’s Twitter page. I will not link to it because I do not believe in assisting Trump’s effort to out the whistleblower, even if Trump’s identification is not accurate.

Senate trial

Congressional leaders are still stuck in a stalemate regarding the next steps in impeachment, as the Democrats call for a fair trial with witnesses and the Republicans lean towards a quick Senate trial with a predetermined result.

Schumer

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer sent a letter to all senators last Monday arguing that not only is witness testimony essential for a Senate trial - so is “the need for the Senate to review documentary evidence.” In addition to the four witnesses (John Bolton, OMB official Michael Duffey, and Mick Mulvaney and his senior adviser Robert Blair) previously proposed, Schumer lists a range of documents from the White House, State Department, and Office of Management and Budget. The letter specifically notes the recent - partially redacted - FOIA revelation that the aid to Ukraine was frozen just 91 minutes after Trump’s July 25 phone call with Zelensky.
There simply is no good reason why evidence that is directly relevant to the conduct at issue in the Articles of Impeachment should be withheld from the Senate and the American people. Relevant documentary evidence currently in the possession of the Administration will augment the existing evidentiary record and will allow Senators to reach judgments informed by all of the available facts. To oppose the admission of this evidence would be to turn a willfully blind eye to the facts, and would clearly be at odds with the obligation of Senators to 'do impartial justice' according to the oath we will all take in the impeachment trial.
Further reading: Supreme Court lawyer and former Acting Solicitor General Neal Katyal argues in The Washington Post that the FOIA email in which Duffey orders a hold on Ukraine aid is an important example of why witness testimony is necessary: “So it wasn’t enough for Duffey to order Defense Department officials to withhold the weapons from Ukraine. He needed to order them to withhold the legally required alert to Congress. And that’s just what he did… If there’s any doubt about what the email meant, Duffey could clear it up by testifying. But he has dodged all attempts to do so.”

McConnell

Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski told a local news station that she was “disturbed” to hear McConnell describe “total coordination” with the White House in planning and carrying out the Senate’s impeachment trial. However, Murkowski has given no other indication that she intends to break with McConnell’s approach.

Graham

A couple of weeks ago, Senate Judiciary Chairman Lindsey Graham invited Rudy Giuliani to testify before the panel about his recent trip to Ukraine. “Rudy, if you want to come and tell us what you found, I'll be glad to talk to you,” Graham said in an interview on “Face the Nation.” However, it now seems that Graham is having second thoughts due to the realization that Giuliani may be trying to spread Russian propaganda: “My advice to Giuliani would be to share what he got from Ukraine with the IC [intelligence community] to make sure it’s not Russia propaganda. I’m very suspicious of what the Russians are up to all over the world.”
  • During Giuliani’s trip to Ukraine, he met with numerous pro-Russia individuals, including one - Andriy Derkach - who attended a KGB school in Moscow. Derkach has been identified as a source (but not the only source) of the discredited claim that Ukraine interfered in the 2016 election, not Russia.
  • Daily Beast: “I wouldn’t trust Rudy to represent me in a parking dispute so I’d say avoid,” one senior GOP Senate aide said when asked about any plans for a Ukraine briefing.

Trump’s defense

Typically, in the Senate impeachment trial, the President’s White House lawyers make up the “defense” lawyers. However, the Wall Street Journal reports that Trump’s team may include House Republicans:
The president has indicated that Mr. Cipollone would lead his legal defense team but is considering adding others with the television experience he values. Under consideration are Jay Sekulow, one of the president’s personal lawyers, and Alan Dershowitz, a professor emeritus at Harvard Law School and TV commentator, officials said. The White House is also considering adding some of the president’s staunchest defenders on the House Intelligence and Judiciary committees to the Senate trial team, according to a person familiar with the deliberations.
Legal analyst Ross Garber notes that the impeachment managers (House Democrats that “try” the case) and Senate Democrats would likely object to such an arrangement:
Curious that members of the Legislative Branch would formally represent the Executive, esp in a House v POTUS proceeding. I’d expect an objection from managers/Senate Dems. (Informal advice is one thing, but acting as the President’s - or Presidency’s - lawyers is different.)

Impeachment, Round Two?

In a court filing last week, House Judiciary Committee attorneys argued that they urgently require Mueller’s grand jury materials and Don McGahn’s testimony for their continuing impeachment investigation: “The Committee’s investigations did not cease with the House’s recent impeachment vote.” House lawyers added that if the court rules quickly, the materials and testimony would be presented in the Senate’s trial.
If McGahn’s testimony produces new evidence supporting the conclusion that President Trump committed impeachable offenses that are not covered by the Articles approved by the House, the Committee will proceed accordingly — including, if necessary, by considering whether to recommend new articles of impeachment. [page 12]
The two cases will be heard by three-judge panels of the D.C. Appeals Court on Jan. 3; the McGahn panel is made up of Judges Karen LeCraft Henderson, Thomas B. Griffith, and Judith W. Rogers; the Mueller case will be heard by Judges Griffith, Rogers, and Neomi Rao.

Dueling opinions

Washington Post columnist Paul Waldman used the recent court filings to argue that Trump could be impeached for a second time: “Don’t dismiss it as an absurd idea just yet. Not only might it happen, but it also might be absolutely necessary.” Waldman believes that between the possibility of discovering currently-unknown misdeeds Trump already committed and the possibility that Trump commits future crimes, a second impeachment “might be all but inevitable.”
However, former SDNY prosecutor Elie Honig threw cold water on the idea that the Mueller materials and/or McGahn’s testimony could lead to another impeachment push:
”Legally, yes, there’s nothing preventing the House from returning more Articles of Impeachment or impeaching again. But let’s operate in the real world: there’s just no way. No way it works politically, no way the public embraces it, no way Pelosi permits it.”

Giuliani’s interview

In yet another freewheeling interview (over daytime Bloody Mary drinks), Giuliani told New York Magazine that if the Southern District of New York Attorney’s office is investigating him, “they’re idiots” and “assholes.”
“If they think I committed a crime, they’re out of their minds,” he said. “I’ve been doing this for 50 years. I know how not to commit crimes. And if they think I’ve lost my integrity, maybe they’ve lost theirs in their insanity over hating Trump with some of the things they did that I never would’ve tolerated when I was U.S. Attorney.”
Giuliani suggested the SDNY prosecutors are jealous of him.
“It’s a terrible thing to say because it will get the Southern District all upset, but I know why they’re all upset,” Giuliani said. “Because they’ve never done anything like me since me. They haven’t done an eight years like I did since I left being U.S. Attorney. Nothing close.”
Giuliani also addressed the allegations against his client, President Trump, and in the process admitted that it would be in character for Trump to withhold military aid dedicated to Ukraine:
He didn’t think it was such a big deal once he read about it [the freeze on aid], he said, because it was “typical Trump; he withholds aid till the last minute until he makes them beg for it.”
And, finally, to top off the interview, Giuliani claimed that former U.S. ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch is “controlled” by George Soros. Then the former NYC mayor launched into an extended anti-semitic diatribe:
“He put all four ambassadors there. And he’s employing the FBI agents.” I told him he sounded crazy, but he insisted he wasn’t.
“Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him,” he said. “Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is. I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States. He’s a horrible human being.”
  • Further reading: “Rudy Giuliani's anti-Soros tirade exposes three uncomfortable truths.” CNN. 12/24/19. And “Rudy Giuliani Doubles Down On Anti-Semitic Attacks Against George Soros.” HuffPost. 12/24/19.
 

*The Sides*

New CyberCom approach

Military cyber officials are developing information warfare tactics that could be deployed against senior Russian officials and oligarchs if Moscow tries to interfere in the 2020 U.S. elections through hacking election systems or sowing widespread discord, according to current and former U.S. officials.
One option being explored by U.S. Cyber Command would target senior leadership and Russian elites, though probably not President Vladimir Putin, which would be considered too provocative, said the current and former officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the issue’s sensitivity. The idea would be to show that the target’s sensitive personal data could be hit if the interference did not stop, though officials declined to be more specific.
...The intelligence community last month issued a classified update — a “national intelligence estimate” — asserting that Russia’s main goal in the 2020 campaign continues to be to sow discord. “It’s always been about exacerbating fault lines in our society,” one senior U.S. official said. (The Washington Post or non-paywalled option)

Political ads

The streaming service Spotify announced last week that “pause” political advertising in early 2020 because it does not have the resources to properly police the content of such ads. “At this point in time, we do not yet have the necessary level of robustness in our process, systems and tools to responsibly validate and review this content,” a representative of the company said.
Reminder: Twitter has banned all ads from political candidates, officials, and political parties on its platform. Google has limited advertisers’ ability to micro-target users based on political affiliation.
Meanwhile, Facebook has taken the opposite approach, allowing political ads on its platform without any fact-checking. According to the Wall Street Journal (non-paywall, millionaire Facebook board member Peter Thiel was a driving force behind the decision not to crack down on political ads, despite some directors and executives arguing for limitations or a complete ban.
Thiel is a supporter of Donald Trump; Thiel and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg attended an “undisclosed dinner” hosted by Trump at the White House in October.
A major donor to Trump’s campaign, Thiel is also the chairman of Palantir, a private data technology company that has become one of the largest recipients of government defense contracts with the United States government since Trump took office. (NBC News)

State wins and setbacks

A win for voter rights in North Carolina:
Republican attempts to require photo identification to vote in North Carolina are being thwarted again by judges hearing arguments that the mandate is tainted by bias that would deter black and Latino residents.
A federal court announced that next week U.S. District Judge Loretta Biggs will formally block a photo ID requirement scheduled to begin in 2020. Unless the upcoming preliminary injunction is successfully appealed, the requirement will be halted until a lawsuit filed by the state NAACP and others is resolved. (NBC News)
And a setback for voter rights in Georgia:
Georgia doesn’t have to put almost 100,000 voters back on its rolls, a federal judge ruled Friday.
The US district judge Steve C Jones ruled that a voting rights advocacy group founded by Democrat Stacey Abrams is improperly asking him to interpret state law. Jones also said the group hasn’t proved that people who have been removed had their constitutional rights violated.
However, Jones also ordered Georgia’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, to do more to warn people that they had been removed. The judge is especially singling out a south-west Georgia state House district where a 28 January special election is scheduled. Voters there who have been removed have only until Monday to re-register. (The Guardian)
Further reading: “The Decade When Republicans Stole the States: How the North Carolina GOP's anti-democratic chicanery became the national party's playbook for electoral theft,” The New Republic.

McCabe lawsuit

Andrew McCabe, the ousted deputy director of the FBI, says the Trump administration is withholding evidence related to his lawsuit. McCabe sued the FBI and the Department of Justice after he was fired in March 2018 by then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions just two days before he was set to retire.
McCabe's attorney, Murad Hussain, filed a declaration on Tuesday claiming that several agencies and 30 individuals — including current FBI Director Chris Wray, Attorney General William Barr and Mr. Trump — have yet to hand over any materials requested as part of his lawsuit against his former employer. (CBS News)

Flynn sentence

In a court filing last week, the Justice Department hinted that it may seek a harsher sentence for Michael Flynn, who has shifted legal strategy and taken an openly hostile approach to the DOJ. Flynn’s sentencing is set for Jan. 28.

Immigration news

Exodus of immigration judges:
Over the past year, in the heat of a border migration crisis, 45 judges have left, moved into new roles in the immigration court system -- which is run by the Justice Department -- or passed away, according to the department. That's nearly double the number who departed their posts in fiscal years 2018 and 2017, when 24 and 21 judges left, respectively, according to data provided by the judges union.
The reasons why individual judges have moved on from their posts on the bench vary, but in interviews with judges who left in recent months, one theme ties them all together: frustration over a mounting number of policy changes that, they argue, chipped away at their authority...Their departures come as the Justice Department faces a backlog that exceeds 1 million cases. (CNN)
Border wall:
I’m not going to excerpt this because it’s hard to separate one piece from the whole. It is a very important article and I hope everyone will take the time to read it: “Southern border wall is destroying natural habitats,” The Hill.

US Contractors supported Taliban

Nearly 400 people who were either wounded while serving in the U.S. military in Afghanistan or are family members of service members who died in the conflict sued a group of companies on Friday they say helped fund attacks against Americans by making protection payments to the Taliban.
“Defendants supported the Taliban for a simple reason: Defendants were all large Western companies with lucrative businesses in post-9/11 Afghanistan, and they all paid the Taliban to refrain from attacking their business interests,” the 288-page complaint filed in federal court in Washington, D.C. on Friday states. “Those protection payments aided and abetted terrorism by directly funding an al-Qaeda-backed Taliban insurgency that killed and injured thousands of Americans.”
...”In addition to MTN [South African telecom firm], the complaint names the London-headquartered G4S Holdings International and its subsidiaries, the Palm Beach Gardens, Florida company Centerra Group, the Bethesda, Maryland company DAI Global, the Lenoir City, Tennessee firm Janus Global Operations, Overland Park, Kansas’ Black & Veatch Special Projects and the Canadian company Louis Berger Group and its subsidiaries and affiliates. (Courthouse News)

Trump’s Christmas party

Trump held a Studio 54-themed Christmas Eve party at Mar-a-Lago, attended by Rudy Giuliani, Alan Dershowitz, and recently-pardoned war criminal Edward Gallagher. Parties like these cost the American taxpayers money, as more Secret Service agents are required to provide security for a large bash. Not to mention the money spent at Mar-a-Lago by White House staff and administration officials to attend.
Who else was at the party? None other than close friend of Vladimir Putin - and captain of the Washington Capitals - Alex Ovechkin and his wife, Nastya Ovechkina.

GEO Group and Trump

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) and Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) sent a letter to the GEO group last week expressing “serious concerns about possible corruption” raised by the private prison company’s spending at Trump’s D.C. hotel. The Senator and Representative request additional information from the company about the “ten to twenty” times GEO execs stayed at Trump’s hotel.
A senior executive of the GEO Group—the nation’s largest private prison and immigrant detention company—who lobbied the Trump administration for a multimillion-dollar cash infusion has also been staying in the luxurious Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C., billing an unknown sum to his corporate expense account, according to previously unreported records unearthed by the Project On Government Oversight (POGO), a non-profit watchdog.
The admission by David J. Venturella, GEO’s senior vice president of business development, came in a June 2019 deposition in an ongoing federal court case…Venturella testified that he had charged Trump hotel bills to his GEO credit card on at least 10 occasions.
...GEO became an avid fan of then-candidate Donald Trump after President Barack Obama’s Justice Department promised to stop approving new federal private prison contracts days after a report determined that private prisons were not necessarily cheaper than government-run ones, causing the company’s stock to plummet 40 percent. What followed was an outpouring of cash from GEO: hundreds of thousands of dollars in contributions to pro-Trump political groups and to his inauguration; and over $4 million in Washington lobbying, much of it directed at the Trump administration. For its part, the administration reversed Obama’s policy and has dramatically boosted GEO’s immigrant detention revenue. (Project On Government Oversight)

Nunes

The Fresno Bee asks: How is Rep. Devin Nunes funding so many lawsuits?
Mother Jones took a look at Nunes and his associates who are involved in the Ukraine pressure campaign:
Not only did the report include phone records indicating calls between Nunes and numbers associated with Giuliani and Parnas (Nunes claims the Parnas calls actually came from a number associated with Parnas’ wife and that he spoke with “someone,” he does not recall who), it also indicated deep ties between Nunes’ office and the White House. At least three former Nunes staffers currently work in the White House. A onetime National Security Council staffer in the Trump White House, meanwhile, currently works for Nunes. The names of all of these officials have surfaced in recent months in connection with the Ukraine scandal, and three of them were mentioned in the intelligence committee report.

Kellyanne lawsuit

Government watchdog Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) filed a lawsuit demanding the Office of Special Counsel (OSC), an agency tasked with enforcing the Hatch Act, take more disciplinary action against Kellyanne Conway for repeatedly violating the Hatch Act.
The law explicitly states that should OSC determine disciplinary actions should be taken against an employee, it must immediately prepare and present a written complaint to MSPB. The lawsuit would compel OSC to comply with its duty to begin enforcement proceedings with MSPB against Conway.
CREW filed multiple complaints against Conway, as she blatantly used her official government Twitter account and her press appearances to advocate for and against candidates for office. Conway is one of eleven Trump administration officials who have been cited for Hatch Act violations following CREW complaints.
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2019.12.05 08:07 twinboysdad Capital Books November (and October) update

I meant to do an update last month for Oct, but between being busy in the store and sick most of the month of November, it just slid by.
October was our best month to date, and the first month we sold more than 1000 books* (well 1000 of everything, excluding gift certificates). We were using that as a break-even goal, but it probably isn't accurate anymore. I need to update the math and see what we need now. We've hired a non-family part-timer (Megan from Dimple Books on Arden) so that's added to our expenses, but she's been really helpful covering the sales floor a couple of days a week so I can focus on time-sensitive orders that have to be done without a lot of interruption.
Selling 1000 books. It doesn't seem like a lot, its just 33 items a day, but it took us 6 months to get there. Some of that is probably a function of what we have on hand that someone can buy impulsively (a large portion of our customers) but also a lot of customers are starting to use our website for special order books we don't have in stock. Add in one private school that's sent a couple of large book orders our way, and yeah, we're starting to hit that 1000 a month.
We did it again in Nov, selling fewer books, but a higher income volume. That was mostly from a single transaction from some marketing firm in LA that was helping with a climate conference at the Hyatt and ordered a bunch of one book from us. They wanted a pretty significant discount, but we did make money on it. But because it was an odd transaction, I didn't count it in the Nov book sales tally.
Best-sellers, I don't think I've ever discussed those, so here are our bestselling books since we opened:
Unwanteds and Island of Silence are two books from Lisa McMann, a NYT bestselling middle-grade author that recently transplanted to Sac from Phoenix. She had a new book out in Sept and we did several school events with her and an in-store signing. Wicked Sacramento is by William Burg, a local historian (and probably a member of this sub) and he also did an event in the store over the summer.
Small Business Saturday was pretty good. Since I don't have anything to measure it by, I can't tell if it was really good or just ok. Will need a couple of years before we really start being able to know.
For December, my wife Heidi created some gift-boxes for people who need a complete gift and don't have a lot of time. Basically a themed box around a book. So a gift for a baker includes a baking book and some baking tools. We partnered with The Kitchen Table in East Sac and All Spicery around the corner to help add some local flavor to them. The idea was folks downtown in a hurry might buy them since its a cool collection of stuff and its already boxed up. We'll see how that goes. We added in more board and family games, starting to thin out some of our opening inventory so we have more room for new things. Plus some book bundles or discounts on different series to also help increase some Christmas sales.
I think we're going to do some after-hours shopping programs as well. People who don't have time during the day can schedule a time after we close to come in and we'll help them find the right book for everyone on their list. The slogan this year from the ABA is Everyone Gets a Book and since I always have given books as presents, I'm completely supportive of that.
Several people from this sub have come in and introduced themselves. Thanks for the support and happy to meet you all.
I'll have more specific numbers to share after December when I have time to really dig in and see what the math looks like in sales and expenses.
(Oh also, we're looking to sublease the second floor of the building for a year or so. If you know of anyone looking for space, send them our way. 1400 square feet, excellent view, not ADA accessible (so no public business) but could be cool for an office or studio.)
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2019.03.31 19:47 memesistential Who Wrote What Sketch? Season 44 Edition

Previous Threads:
 
This is a constantly updated list of known writing credits for the sketches and Weekend Update features from Season 44. Most of the credits included in this thread come from the social media accounts of the SNL cast and writing staff.
 
Note: Recurring sketches and Weekend Update features are often written by the same people who wrote the sketches initially. But current staff writers are tasked with writing older recurring sketches if none of those sketches' original writers work for the show.
 
The Washington Post gives this thread a rating of 7 Pinnochios. (List of credits for each sketch may not be accurate.)
 
The SNL Writing Staff
 
Episode 01 — Host: Adam Driver
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Note: This is the first episode where Erik Kenward, former staff writer and current producer for SNL, is included in the credits this season. He appears frequently throughout the season as a "guest" writer.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Kavanaugh Hearing Colin Jost, Michael Che, Josh Patten
Monologue
Fornite Mikey Day, Streeter Seidell
Pretape: New Look Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett
Coffee Shop (Domenico's) (Recurring) (Originally by Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie and Cecily Strong)
Pretape: 80s Party Sudi Green
Career Day Eli Coyote Mandel
Confederate Meeting Sam Jay (incomplete)
 
Episode 02 — Host: Awkwafina
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Note: Julio Torres is absent from the writing staff starting with this episode due to the production of his HBO show Los Espookys.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Brett Kavanaugh Post-Game
Monologue Anna Drezen, Bowen Yang
Late Night Battle
Pretape: Emergency Alert
Cleopatra
Pretape: Ted Cruz Rally Alan Linic, Alison Gates
So You're Willing to Date a Magician
Baby Shower
Pretape: Pumpkin Patch
Film Panel (Debette Goldry) (Recurring) Anna Drezen, Sudi Green, Kate McKinnon
 
Episode 03 — Host: Seth Meyers
Guest Writers: Alex Baze, Erik Kenward, John Mulaney, Marika Sawyer
Note: Weekend Update writers Josh Patten and Pete Schultz are also credited under the "Written By" banner during the credits.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Kanye West/Donald Trump Colin Jost, Michael Che, Kent Sublette
Monologue Steve Higgins
Movie Talkback Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Pretape: Beta Force Michael Che, Josh Patten, Pete Schultz
Thirsty Cops Kent Sublette, Sudi Green, Ego Nwodim
Pretape: A Frightening Tale
Jail Cellmate (Cosby) John Mulaney, Michael Koman
Bayou Benny's Liberal Lagniappe Andrew Dismukes, Streeter Seidell
Cuban Vacation James Anderson, Heidi Gardner
Pretape: Trees Andrew Dismukes, Will Stephen, Chris Redd
Halloween Gig (Recurring) James Anderson, Kent Sublette
 
Episode 04 — Host: Jonah Hill
Guest Writers: Erik Kenward, Seth Meyers
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Caravan Colin Jost, Michael Che, Bryan Tucker
Monologue
Benihana (Recurring) Michael Che, Andrew Dismukes (Originally by Seth Meyers, Jonah Hill and Bill Hader)
Pretape: Midterm Ad
KCR News
Pretape: Political Musical
Teacher Fell Down Alison Gates
America's Got Talent: Wait, They're Good?!
Pretape: HuckaPM Kent Sublette, Aidy Bryant
Dog Infomercial (Pug Wigs) James Anderson, Will Stephen
 
Episode 05 — Host: Liev Schreiber
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Jeff Sessions Farewell
Monologue
Invest Twins (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: Unity Song Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker
Paranormal Occurence (Mrs. Rafferty) (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Kate McKinnon
Pretape: Permission Will Stephen, Chris Redd, Sam Jay
The Poddys Anna Drezen, Will Stephen, Bryan Tucker
Pretape: House Hunters Kent Sublette
Brothers Beck Bennett, Andrew Dismukes, Kyle Mooney
Outside the Women's Bathroom
 
Episode 06 — Host: Steve Carell
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Voter Fraud
Monologue
Disney
Pretape: Message from Jeff Bezos
Friends-Giving James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Pretape: RBG Rap Chris Redd, Pete Davidson, Michael Koman, Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Space Station Broadcast Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
'50s Sleepover Will Stephen, Steven Castillo, Aidy Bryant
RV Life James Anderson, Will Stephen, Heidi Gardner
Space Thanksgiving
Pretape: GPYass James Anderson, Bowen Yang
 
Episode 07 — Host: Claire Foy
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Trump Argentina
Monologue
Pretape: Netflix Commercial
Morning Joe (Recurring)
The War in Words Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: Dad Christmas Andrew Dismukes, Paul Briganti
Charlie's Grandparents
HSN James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Good Morning Goomah
A Holiday Message from the Women of SNL
 
Episode 08 — Host: Jason Momoa
Guest Writers: Zach Kanin, Erik Kenward, Tim Robinson
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Trump Brothers Bedtime
Monologue Anna Drezen, Bowen Yang
Elf on the Shelf Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: GE Big Boys Streeter Seidell, Fran Gillespie
Khal Drogo's Ghost Dojo
Pretape: Them Trumps Sam Jay, Bryan Tucker
An Extra Christmas Carol
Day of the Dorks
Gemma (Recurring) James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Pretape: First Impressions Tim Robinson, Zach Kanin
Rudolph's Big Night
 
Episode 09 — Host: Matt Damon
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: It's A Wonderful Trump
Monologue
Westminster Daddy Show James Anderson, Anna Drezen
Pretape: Best Christmas Ever Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Christmas Ornaments Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: Oscar Host Audition Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Jingle Bells Bryan Tucker, Cecily Strong
Weezer Eli Coyote Mandel, Alan Linic, Steven Castillo
Cop Christmas
Happy Christmas, Britain Will Stephen, Bowen Yang
 
Episode 10 — Host: Rachel Brosnahan
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Note: This is Julio Torres's first episode back on the writing staff.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Deal Or No Deal
Monologue Kent Sublette, Fran Gillespie, Sudi Green, Streeter Seidell
Earthquake News Report Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: Leave Me Alurn Anna Drezen
Millenial Millions Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker, Will Stephen
Pretape: The Raunchiest Miss Rita
Tabitha
Pretape: Kool-Aid Michael Che
Ken Instagram (Recurring) (Originally by James Anderson and Julio Torres)
 
Episode 11 — Host: James McAvoy
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Tucker Carlson
Monologue
Pretape: Mr. H Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Virgin Hunk (Recurring)
Air Traffic Control Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: The UES Bryan Tucker, Leslie Jones
Charmin Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Gary Richardson
Mr. Tumnus Sudi Green, Bowen Yang, Alison Gates
Another Brothers (Recurring) Beck Bennett, Andrew Dismukes, Kyle Mooney
Pretape: I Love My Dog Will Stephen, Steven Castillo
New Orleans Vacation (Recurring) James Anderson, Heidi Gardner
 
Episode 12 — Host: Halsey
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Meet the Press
Monologue
Pretape: Them Trumps - State of the Union (Recurring) Sam Jay, Bryan Tucker
State Meeting
Pretape: Valentine's Song Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant
Parents Call Streeter Seidell, Beck Bennett, Mikey Day
Pretape: Women of Congress Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Alison Gates
Karaoke
Black History Presentation
Maurice
Riverdale
 
Episode 13 — Host: Don Cheadle
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Trump Press Conference
Monologue
Fresh Takes (Recurring)
Extreme Baking Championship Kent Sublette
Pretape: Pound Puppy
Family Feud: Oscar Nominees (Recurring) Bryan Tucker
Bar Fight Streeter Seidell
Pretape: Roach-Ex Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Wedding Venue Ad Anna Drezen
 
Episode 14 — Host: Juophn Mulaney
Guest Writers: Simon Rich, Marika Sawyer
Note: Weekend Update writers Josh Patten and Pete Schultz are also credited under the "Written By" banner during the credits.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Michael Cohen Hearings
Monologue (Stand-up) Juophn Mulaney
What’s That Name (Recurring) Juophn Mulaney, Simon Rich, Marika Sawyer
Pretape: Toilet Death Ejector Juophn Mulaney, Simon Rich, Marika Sawyer
Shark Tank: Legal Edition
Pretape: Chad Horror Movie (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Pete Davidson
Cha Cha Slide Bryan Tucker, Sam Jay
Bodega Bathroom (Part of the Lobster Diner Universe) Colin Jost, Juophn Mulaney, Gary Richardson
To Have and Have Not (Cinema Classics) (Recurring) (possibly James Anderson, Kent Sublette)
 
Episode 15 — Host: Idris Elba
Guest Writers: Erik Kenward, Rob Klein
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: R. Kelly Interview Michael Che, Gary Richardson
Monologue
Pretape: Bok Bok
Can I Play That? Colin Jost, Michael Koman
PowerPoint Anna Drezen, Alison Gates, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon
Pretape: The Impossible Hulk Michael Che
The Gold Diggers of the WNBA
Soccer Broadcast Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Magic Show Bryan Tucker, Michael Koman, Leslie Jones
Supportive Friend Andrew Dismukes, Beck Bennett
 
Episode 16 — Host: Sandra Oh
Guest Writers: Hugh Fink, Erik Kenward, Rob Klein
Note: Anna Drezen promoted to Writing Supervisor
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Mueller Report
Monologue
Pretape: Discover Card Anna Drezen, Steven Castillo, Ego Nwodim, Bowen Yang
Network Meeting
Pretape: The Duel James Anderson, Kent Sublette
Future Self Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Kremlin Meeting Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker
Louise's Birthday Anna Drezen
Pretape: Cheques Julio Torres, Bowen Yang
Electric Shoes Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Test Prep Anna Drezen
 
Episode 17 — Host: Kit Harrington
Guest Writers: Andrew Briedis, Hugh Fink, Tim Robinson
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Joe Biden
Monologue Colin Jost
Nephew Pageant Anna Drezen, Aidy Bryant
Pretape: New HBO Shows Mikey Day, Heidi Gardner, Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Streeter Seidell
Cruise Ship Band
Pretape: New Game Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Bachelorette Party
Pretape: Theresa May Will Stephen, Kent Sublette
Graphics Department
Exam James Anderson, Michael Koman
 
Episode 18 — Host: Emma Stone
Guest Writers: Andrew Briedis, Erik Kenward, Dave McCary
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Jail Cell
Monologue
Dorm Room Posters (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: New Clothing Store (Fashion Coward) Anna Drezen, Alison Gates, Bowen Yang
The View Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Pretape: Hobby Song Andrew Dismukes, Melissa Villaseñor
Ladies Room James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Royal Baby Video (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Alex Moffat, Mikey Day
Pretape: The Actress Julio Torres, Bowen Yang
Chalmers Reserve Event Wine
 
Episode 19 — Host: Adam Sandler
Guest Writers: Dan Bulla, Tim Herlihy, Erik Kenward, Steve Koren, Robert Smigel
Note: Weekend Update writer Josh Patten is also credited under the "Written By" banner during the credits.
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Family Feud (Recurring) Bryan Tucker
Monologue: I Was Fired
War Zone Reporter Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Pretape: Holes Will Stephen, Beck Bennett
Romano Tours Anna Drezen, Alison Gates
Sandler Family Reunion (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Kyle Mooney
Pretape: Rectix
Last Call (Recurring)
Chris Farley Song Adam Sandler, Dan Bulla
 
Episode 20 — Host: Emma Thompson
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Meet the Press
Monologue Anna Drezen
Etiquette Lesson
Pretape: A Perfect Mother (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Actress Scene (Cinema Classics) (Recurring)
Pretape: Chopped Kent Sublette
Judge Court Anna Drezen, Alison Gates
Beauty and the Beast
Bad Girl Talk Show Ego Nwodim
Continuity Errors
 
Episode 21 — Host: Paul Rudd
Guest Writer: Erik Kenward
Sketch Writes
Cold Open: Don't Stop Me Now
Monologue: Best Man Speech
A Journey Through Time (Mrs. Rafferty) (Recurring) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Kate McKinnon
Pretape: GoT Tribute Pete Davidson, Michael Koman
What's Wrong With This Picture?
Music Box
The View: Pete Buttigieg (Recurring) Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Pretape: Leslie & Kyle (Recurring)
Ouija Steven Castillo, Alan Linic, Eli Coyote Mandel
 
Weekend Update Features
Segment Writes
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Kavanaugh Anna Drezen, Sudi Green, Will Stephen Kate McKinnon
Serena Williams
Pete Davidson on His Engagement to Ariana Grande Pete Davidson
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. on the Midterm Elections Mikey Day, Alex Moffat, Streeter Seidell
Pete Davidson on Kanye West Pete Davidson
Baskin Johns Heidi Gardner
Really?! with Seth, Colin and Michael (possibly Seth Meyers, Alex Baze, Colin Jost, Michael Che)
Pete Davidson's First Impressions of Midterm Election Candidates Pete Davidson, Michael Koman
Brittainy: Every Teen Girl Murder Suspect on Law   Order Anna Drezen, Melissa Villaseñor
David Ortiz on the Red Sox's World Series Win Colin Jost, Kenan Thompson
White House Press Intern Anna Drezen, Bowen Yang, Cecily Strong
Pete Davidson Apologizes to Lt. Com. Dan Crenshaw Pete Davidson, Bryan Tucker, Michael Koman
Denver Riggleman Addresses Bigfoot Erotica Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
LaVar Ball on LeBron James Criticism Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Leslie Jones Retires from Sex Leslie Jones
Jules on the Economy Anna Drezen, Colin Jost, Beck Bennett
Travel Expert Carrie Krum Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Aidy Bryant
Michael Che on Bidets Michael Che
Where’s Wes? (possibly Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day)
Angel Reacts to Good Holiday News Heidi Gardner
Colin Jost and Michael Che Swap Jokes Colin Jost, Michael Che
Elizabeth Warren on Running for President Will Stephen, Kate McKinnon
Pete Davidson and John Mulaney Review Clint Eastwood’s The Mule Pete Davidson, John Mulaney
Soulja Boy on the Government Shutdown Chris Redd, Gary Richardson
Cathy Anne on Trump’s Border Wall Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Melissa Villaseñor on Her Grammy Pick Melissa Villaseñor, Eli Coyote Mandel, Colin Jost
Nico Slobkin and Brie Bacardi Bowen Yang, Heidi Gardner, Mikey Day
Guy Who Just Bought a Boat's Respectful Valentine's Day Tips Anna Drezen, Alex Moffat
Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi
Jules on the Oscars Anna Drezen, Colin Jost, Beck Bennett
Super Centenerian Mort Fellner (possibly Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day)
Smokery Farms Anna Drezen, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon
Baskin Johns Shares More Goop Products Heidi Gardner
Pete Davidson on R. Kelly and Michael Jackson Pete Davidson
Leslie Jones' Funeral Plans Leslie Jones
Jeanine Pirro Bryan Tucker, Cecily Strong
Astronaut Anne McClain Aidy Bryant, Fran Gillespie, Sudi Green
Film Critic Terry Fink's Spring Movie Review Will Stephen, Alex Moffat
Charles Barkley on the 2019 NCAA Final Four Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Travel Expert Carrie Krum on Spring Break Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Aidy Bryant
Nico Slobkin and Brie Bacardi on Picnics Bowen Yang, Heidi Gardner, Mikey Day
Senator Elizabeth Warren on College Debt Forgiveness Will Stephen, Kate McKinnon
Opera Man Returns Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, Steve Koren, Tim Herlihy
Baily Gismert on Summer 2019 Movies Heidi Gardner, Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Pete Davidson on Living with His Mom Pete Davidson
Jeanine Pirro on Her Fox News Suspension Bryan Tucker, Cecily Strong
Colin Jost and Michael Che Switch Jokes Colin Jost, Michael Che
Leslie Jones on Alabama's Abortion Ban Leslie Jones
 
Cut-For-Time Sketches
Sketch Writes
Pretape: Cars (Claire Foy) Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney
Pretape: Glitter Litter Automatic Glitter Factory (Matt Damon)
Pretape: Dianne Feinstein Message (Juophn Mulaney) Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Cecily Strong
Pretape: New Cast Member (Idris Elba) Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
College Admissions (Sandra Oh)
Pretape: Chad's Journey (Recurring) (Adam Sandler) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Pete Davidson
Pretape: Twinings Extreme Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Retirement Party (Paul Rudd) Will Stephen, Beck Bennett
submitted by memesistential to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.12.15 09:58 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! -- Matt Damon edn.

Froghatten, skomehillet, haasenfrass, ADWeasley and lyla2398 lie on the leaderboard with 1 win; MainHamster joins fanboybtes and MattyATee with 2 wins, AngelKnives and johnmurr remain tied at the top with 3 wins apiece...
1 -- Cold open topic -- Trumpwin-Pence-Pelosi-Schumer meeting / Mick Mulvaney as new chief of staff / Obamacare Senate challenge / Trumpwin interview with Harris Faulkner / something about the Democrats / Anderson Cooper / Fox and Friends / Mueller files / none of these options (so name your own!)
2 -- One star of cold open [for a BONUS POINT, say who they play]
3 -- New impression [for a BONUS point, cast it]
4 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 5 -- Name one cast member in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Kate' s biggest role this week is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
7 -- Host's partner in a sketch is played by...
8 -- Name a cameo! Or do we get none? (Cameos for musical guests don't count here)
9 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy's porn girl / Cecily's restaurant complainer / Cecily's musical party guest / Kenan's Gerard / Treece Henderson trio / Melissa's dirty talk / America's Funniest Pets / something else (name it!)
10 -- SNL staple -- Family Feud / Black Jeopardy / music video / game show / dating show / impressions reel / commercial parody / Beck and Kyle pretape / Good Day Denver / Chris-Pete-Kenan rap
BONUS POINT -- 11 -- Update feature A
BONUS POINT -- 12 -- Update feature B
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Melissa’s Mrs Gomez / Heidi’s Pretty Mandy / something else (name it!)
14 -- Season 44 hit returns, or pretaped recurring bit -- Ego and Leslie’s traffic cops / Bayou Benny / Heidi’s holiday gusher / Pug Wigs / Beck and Kyle’s brothers / Pete’s Chad / Kyle backstage / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Inside SoCal / something else (name it!)
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.12.08 12:52 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! - - Jason Momoa edn.

MainHamster, Froghatten, skomehillet, haasenfrass, ADWeasley and lyla2398 lie on the leaderboard with 1 win; fanboybtes and MattyATee have 2 wins, while AngelKnives makes the leap to top spot joining johnmurr with 3 wins apiece...
1 -- Cold open sees... -- Tillerson interview / Cohen scandals / Giuliani ranting somewhere / William Barr getting appointed / Trumpwin press conference or rally / Anderson Cooper / Fox & Friends / Oval office / Mueller files / none of these options (so name your own!)
2 -- One star of cold open [for a BONUS POINT, say who they play]
3 -- New impression [for a BONUS point, cast it]
4 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 5 -- Name one cast member in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Kate' s biggest role this week is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
7 -- Host's partner in a sketch is played by...
8 -- Name a cameo! Or do we get none? (Cameos for musical guests don't count here)
9 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy's porn girl / Cecily's restaurant complainer / Cecily's musical party guest / Kenan's Gerard / Treece Henderson trio / Melissa's dirty talk / America's Funniest Pets / something else (name it!)
10 -- SNL staple -- Family Feud / Black Jeopardy / music video / game show / dating show / impressions reel / commercial parody / Beck and Kyle pretape / Good Day Denver / Chris-Pete-Kenan rap
BONUS POINT -- 11 -- Update feature A
BONUS POINT -- 12 -- Update feature B
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Melissa’s Mrs Gomez / Heidi’s Pretty Mandy / something else (name it!)
14 -- Season 44 hit returns, or pretaped recurring bit -- Ego and Leslie’s traffic cops / Bayou Benny / Heidi’s holiday gusher / Pug Wigs / Beck and Kyle’s brothers / Pete’s Chad / Kyle backstage / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Inside SoCal / something else (name it!)
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.11.29 11:47 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! -- Claire Foy edn.

MainHamster joins Froghatten, skomehillet, haasenfrass, ADWeasley and lyla2398 on the leaderboard with 1 win; fanboybtes moves up meeting AngelKnives and MattyATee with 2 wins, behind johnmurr who carries over a successful 3 from last season and leads our leaderboard…
1 -- Cold open topic -- Trumpwin press conference or rally / Cohen in court / Manafort pardon / Yemen disagreement ft. senators / Ivanka's emails / Mississippi Republican win / Theresa May and Brexit / Anderson Cooper / Fox & Friends / Oval office / Mueller files / Morning Joe / none of these options (so name your own!)
2 -- One star of cold open [for a BONUS POINT, say who they play]
3 -- New impression [for a BONUS point, cast it]
4 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 5 -- Name one cast member in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Kate' s biggest role this week is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
7 -- Host's partner in a sketch is played by...
8 -- Name a cameo! Or do we get none? (Cameos for musical guests don't count here)
9 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy's porn girl / Cecily's restaurant complainer / Cecily's musical party guest / Kenan's Gerard / Treece Henderson trio / Melissa's dirty talk / America's Funniest Pets / something else (name it!)
10 -- SNL staple -- Family Feud / Black Jeopardy / music video / game show / dating show / impressions reel / commercial parody / Beck and Kyle pretape / Good Day Denver / Chris-Pete-Kenan rap
BONUS POINT -- 11 -- Update feature A
BONUS POINT -- 12 -- Update feature B
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Melissa’s Mrs Gomez / Heidi’s Pretty Mandy / something else (name it!)
14 -- Season 44 hit returns, or pretaped recurring bit -- Ego and Leslie’s traffic cops / Bayou Benny / Heidi’s holiday gusher / Pug Wigs / Beck and Kyle’s brothers / Pete’s Chad / Kyle backstage / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Inside SoCal / something else (name it!)
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.11.15 16:34 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! -- Steve Carell edn.

Froghatten joins skomehillet, haasenfrass, ADWeasley, lyla2398 and fanboybtes on the leaderboard with 1 win; AngelKnives moves up meeting MattyATee with 2 wins, behind johnmurr who carries over a successful 3 from last season and leads our leaderboard…
1 -- Trumpwin -- yay / nay
2 -- Cold Open -- Administration chaos / Anderson Cooper / Mueller / Florida / Trump press conference / Trump rally / Fox & Friends / Oval office / Mueller files / Morning Joe / none of these options (so name your own!)
3 -- Cast star of cold open -- Beck / Aidy / Mikey / Kate / Alex / Cecily / someone else (name them!)
BONUS POINT -- 4 -- Think up a new impression and cast it...
5 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Name cast who feature in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 7 -- Kate' s biggest role this week is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
8 -- Melissa's Mrs Gomez (cut from dress last week) returns -- yay / nay
9 -- Name a cameo! Or do we get none? (Cameos for musical guests don't count here)
10 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy’s porn girl / Pete’s Chad / Leslie’s ninja / a Kyle backstage pre-tape / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Kenan’s Gerard / Melissa’s dirty talk / America’s Funniest Pets / Inside SoCal / Beck and Kyle pre-tape / something else (name it!)
11 -- Ensemble pick -- The Price is Right / Family Feud / High School Theatre Showcase / Black Jeopardy / Return Counter / Fresh Takes / The Hunch Bunch / something else (name it!)
BONUS POINTS -- 12 -- name this week's two Update features
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s chicken / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Heidi’s ‘Pretty’ Mandy / Mice / something else (name it!)
14 -- SNL staple -- Music video / game show / dating show / impressions opportunity / commercial parody
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.11.08 12:20 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! -- Liev Schreiber edn.

AngelKnives and skomehillet join haasenfrass, ADWeasley, lyla2398 and fanboybtes on the leaderboard with 1 win; MattyATee has 2 wins, behind johnmurr who carries over a successful 3 from last season and leads our leaderboard…
1 -- Trumpwin -- yay / nay
2 -- Cold Open -- Crazy midterm night speech tour ft. Bernie and Cruz / Sessions firing / Trump press conference attacking journalists / Trump rally ft. Hannity and administration / Nancy Pelosi speech / Fox & Friends / Election centre coverage / Oval office / Mueller files / Morning Joe / Anderson Cooper / Hillary says hi! / none of these options (so name your own!)
3 -- Cast star of cold open -- Beck / Aidy / Mikey / Kate / Alex / Cecily / someone else (name them!)
BONUS POINT -- 4 -- Think up a new impression and cast it...
5 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Name cast who feature in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 7 -- Kate has another role than Sessions this week is and it is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
8 -- There will be a live sketch other than the Cold Open and Update about the midterm elections -- yay / nay
9 -- Name a cameo! Or do we get none? (Cameos for musical guests don't count here)
10 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy’s porn girl / Pete’s Chad / Leslie’s ninja / a Kyle backstage pre-tape / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Kenan’s Gerard / Melissa’s dirty talk / America’s Funniest Pets / Inside SoCal / Beck and Kyle pre-tape / something else (name it!)
11 -- Ensemble pick -- The Price is Right / Family Feud / High School Theatre Showcase / Black Jeopardy / Return Counter / Fresh Takes / The Hunch Bunch / something else (name it!)
BONUS POINTS -- 12 -- name this week's two Update features
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s chicken / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Melissa’s Mrs Gomez / Heidi’s ‘Pretty’ Mandy / Mice / something else (name it!)
14 -- SNL staple -- Music video / game show / dating show / impressions opportunity / commercial parody
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.11.01 13:47 fanboybtes 'SNL Predict' returns and is easy! -- Jonah Hill edn.

haasenfrass joins ADWeasley, lyla2398 and fanboybtes on the leaderboard with 1 win; MattyATee sneaks forward with 2, behind johnmurr who carries over a successful 3 wins from last season and leads our leaderboard…
1 -- Trumpwin -- yay / nay
2 -- Cold Open -- Oval office / Trump press conference / Trump rally / Mueller files / Fox & Friends / Morning Joe / Anderson Cooper
3 -- Cast star of cold open -- Beck / Aidy / Mikey / Kate / Alex / Cecily / someone else (name them!)
BONUS POINT -- 4 -- Think up a new impression and cast it...
5 -- Monologue -- Questions / musical / stand-up / host joined on stage / audience riffing / host talkin' 'bout oneself
BONUS POINT -- 6 -- Name cast who feature in the monologue...
BONUS POINT -- 7 -- Kate's biggest role this week is... (name an impression or original character in her repertoire)
8 -- Jonah’s Adam Grossman returns -- yay / nay
9 -- Cameo -- Seth Rogen / James Franco / Emma Stone / Channing Tatum / Steve Martin / Lucas Hedges / Vanessa Bayer / Bill Hader / a 5-timers host (but you must name them!) / someone else (name)
10 -- Recurring sketch -- Aidy’s porn girl / Pete’s Chad / Leslie’s ninja / a Kyle backstage pre-tape / Kyle’s Chris Fitzpatrick / Kenan’s Gerard / Melissa’s dirty talk / America’s Funniest Pets / Inside SoCal
11 -- Ensemble pick -- The Price is Right / Family Feud / High School Theatre Showcase / Black Jeopardy / Return Counter / Fresh Takes / The Hunch Bunch / something else (name it!)
BONUS POINTS -- 12 -- name this week's two Update features
13 -- Let it return! -- Beck’s alien lover / Beck’s Chuckie Chocolate / Aidy’s chicken / Aidy’s Bunny / Aidy and Chris’ flight attendants / Leslie’s Tamika / Leslie and Cecily’s cleaning crew / Cecily’s reality star / Cecily’s Candice / Cecily’s script supervisor / Melissa’s Mrs Gomez / Heidi’s ‘Pretty’ Mandy / Mice / something else (name it!)
14 -- SNL staple -- Music video / game show / dating show / impressions opportunity / extra political sketch / commercial parody
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2018.10.12 07:41 kkkodaxerooo I cannot tell if this is satire or not. Could someone who is not numbed by outrage fatigue please parse this document for me?

Around 12:20 p.m. on Tuesday, I was on my way out of the White House after a series of meetings in the West Wing. I was reporting on a question that has hung over this administration for months: How has Chief of Staff John Kelly managed to keep his job in spite of convincing and persistent rumors and reports that the president is unhappy with him, and he is unhappy in his job? I stopped to talk to another reporter, and then I began to walk toward the North Gate. As I walked, I noticed I had a missed call from a Washington number I didn’t recognize. It was Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. She sounded very serious. She asked me if I had left yet. When I said no, she asked me to come back inside, and when she greeted me, she looked very serious. She implied she wanted me to go with her behind a door. I didn’t understand, maybe didn’t quite hear her. Then, she told me Trump wanted to speak to me.
I walked to the Oval Office. I guessed that the president wanted to disabuse me of any notion that Kelly was about to be fired, or had almost been fired many times before. I was right, but my imagination was too limited. What ensued amounted to a private press conference — featuring a series of special guest stars from the highest echelon of the Trump administration — to try to get me to change my mind.
“I just heard that you were doing a story on … this stuff,” the president said as he came into the Oval Office and sat down at the Resolute Desk. I sat in a chair across from him. Next to me were Sanders and communications director Bill Shine.
“General Kelly’s doing a very good job,” Trump told me. “We have a very good relationship. The White House is running very, very smoothly. We’ve had a big week. We just got a Supreme Court justice on the bench. We have the USMCA, meaning the NAFTA replacement, and many other things. We had a great meeting with North Korea. It was a great meeting. The secretary of State’s coming just in ten minutes.”
He went on, “But I want to tell you a couple of things: the chief is doing a very good job. I’m very happy with him, we have a very good relationship, number one. Number two, I didn’t offer anybody else the job. I didn’t talk to anybody about the job. And I’m not, I’m not looking. Now, look, with time, do people leave? As an example, Nikki Haley told me six months ago, even a year ago — but six months ago, that, you know, she’s been governor, she’s done this, she’s helped us with the campaign, a lot of good things, and you probably saw the conference. It was a very, very positive thing. We have a very positive story going on at the White House. We have a very positive story for the country. We’re doing a great job. We have the greatest economy in the history of our country. We have among the greatest job numbers. Among many groups, we have the greatest job numbers. We have things going on that are phenomenal on trade. China wants to make a deal — I said, you’re not ready yet. But they wanna make a deal, and at some point we might. Iran wants to make a deal. They all wanna make a deal. We have great things going. We have a very smooth-running organization even though it’s never reported that way. So the real story is that. It’s really the real story. When you walk in here, you don’t see chaos. There is no chaos. The media likes to portray chaos. There’s no chaos. I’m leaving for Iowa in a little while. We’re doing something that’s going to be very exciting tonight in Iowa. A big, a big announcement, actually. Doing four rallies this week. I think the rallies have, frankly, built up our poll numbers very greatly. What am I now in Rasmussen? 52?”
The question was directed at Sanders, who confirmed the number. [Note: The Rasmussen poll had Trump at 51 percent.]
“Plus there’s 10 percent, they think, where people don’t respond, unfortunately. I’m not sure if this is nice or not nice, but when they don’t respond, that means it’s an automatic Trump vote. But it’s a 52,” Trump said, “and we’re doing very well in the polls. You see what’s happening with respect to the election, I mean, you know, to the midterms, even though — I know — historically, the president, you don’t tend to do so well in the midterms, but we have, this is a different presidency and this is the greatest economy ever. So, we’ll have to test that. But even the polls are saying that we have really come a long way in the last three weeks. I think we’re gonna do well. And that’s all I have to say. I want to just tell you that I’m very happy with General Kelly and I get along very well with him. We have a very good relationship. And if we didn’t, I wouldn’t stand for it for a minute, and he wouldn’t want it any other way. So it’s just a different narrative than what you were saying. And with that, you’re gonna have to write what you have to write, but the truth is, we have a really smooth-running White House and nothing and nobody has done more in their first two years as president. We’re not even up to the second year.”
The president craned his neck slightly upward, in the direction of the door. “Could you give me the list, please?” he asked, raising his voice so a secretary could hear. “I’ve gotta give you the list. Nobody has come close to doing what we’ve done in less than two years as president. Whether it’s regulations or tax cuts or so many other things.” The secretary walked into the room, holding two sheets of computer paper. “Give that to Olivia,” Trump said. “These are just some of the things that were done since taking office,” he told me. The pages were stamped with 58 bullet points, typed in a large font. At the top, underlined, bold, and all-caps, it read, “TRUMP ADMINISTRATION ACCOMPLISHMENTS.” On the first page, the points related mostly to jobs numbers or executive orders or promises from the tax-reform bill. On the second page, there were more puzzling accomplishments like, “Republicans want STRONG BORDERS and NO CRIME. Democrats want OPEN BORDERS which equals MASSIVE CRIME.”
“So,” Trump went on, “it would be great to have an accurately written story, because we do have — when you walk in here, I think you see, if you read something, it’s totally different than the fact.”
I asked Trump to explain how the White House was different with Kelly as chief of staff. “He’s a four-star marine. He is a man who likes to see order and discipline, which I like. We came in and it was more free-rolling. We did a lot! We did a lot during the entire period. But I think there is great order now.” He claimed that this has never been a point of frustration, as has often been reported. “No, I like it. I like order. I like it both ways! Honestly, I’ve had it both ways. I’ve had it both ways in my life and in my business, and sometimes freewheeling is a very good thing. You know, it’s not a bad thing. We did a lot. If you look at the first six months, we did a lot.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well,” he said, squinting his eyes in the direction of the papers I was holding. “You can take a look at some of the things on the list. Some of that was done early. Look at the pipelines. That was done early. A lot of great job-producing events. A lot of regulation cutting, we did tremendous regulation cuts. That was all done pretty early. So what I’m saying— and this is not even updated. We have achieved a lot in the last month and a half, two months, since that’s been done. But we’ve done a really great job and it’s so reported by those that are, by those that want it to be accurately reported. And I think, at least, I should be able — because I know you’re gonna go in and write something — at least I should be able to tell you, out of respect, that the relationships are very good and I think you could say, Sarah, that the relationships in the White House have been very good, especially over the last six months, seven months. It’s been very, very smooth. It’s been a very smooth-running White House.” Sanders agreed.
Often, before an official departs his orbit, Trump publicly remarks that he’s very fond of them. I began to ask Trump how he expected me to believe his relationship with Kelly was so good, given that fact, when he cut in. “Well, I made changes. For instance, secretary of State, I put somebody in that I wanted. And it’s really working out very well — he’s done a very fantastic job. Mike Pompeo, Mike Pompeo. But that doesn’t mean that we weren’t doing a good job before, whether the relationships were good or not good. But I wanted to make a change and I made a change.”
I completed asking the question about staffers who had been ousted in the past despite assurances from Trump that all was well.
“Like who?” Trump asked. I offered Steve Bannon as an example. He asked if I’d seen Bannon on television lately, which I had. “Well, I saw Steve Bannon, haven’t spoken to Steve Bannon in a year. But I saw Steve Bannon on television twice in the last month and— General! Come here a moment!”
Kelly had appeared in the room, a wary expression on his face, which resembles a cross between Wallace Shawn and Woody Harrelson. Kelly’s military service began in 1970 and over the decades took him around the world. He’d served in Belgium and he’d overseen U.S. and Iraqi forces in Iraq and operations across 32 countries in Central America, South America, and the Caribbean. It seems silly to think that such a person would ever give a fuck about anything related to matters of palace intrigue in this White House. Had he known we’d be discussing this? Had the president ordered him to be here? Was it all a coincidence? It is a small place, in fairness. Nobody tells you that before you visit. It’s like it was built for elves. It’s possible he had just been walking by. But if that was the case, the president’s repeated comments about how serendipitous all of this was made it feel like a big production.
“This is Olivia, she’s going to say very, very wonderful things about you. This is General Kelly,” Trump said.
“Come in, Mike!”
Closely behind Kelly was Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who was scheduled for a 12:30 lunch with the president.
“Olivia can write badly about you,” Trump told him. The men laughed at the president’s joke.
“Stay there for a second. I just wanted to see Olivia for two seconds,” Trump said. “Look, look who comes in, and we actually have lunch today,” Trump said.
I jokingly asked if I was invited to the lunch. “Anytime you want,” Trump said. Kelly, who was sitting down near me across from the president’s desk, remarked, “Best French fries in the world.”
Trump didn’t acknowledge him. “But Bannon,” he said, picking up the conversation where we’d left off, “if you’ve seen Bannon on shows over the last month …” He briefly went off the record.
“Look who you have here,” he said. He glanced toward the entryway again. “Look who you have here. We had a meeting scheduled!”
Vice-President Mike Pence walked into the room.
“This is Olivia. She’s a disruptive writer but that’s okay,” Trump told him. He laughed.
This was beginning to feel ridiculous, like this was the reunion episode of a sitcom, in which Bob Saget might come out next to an applause track.
I explained to the president that my point was not about Bannon specifically, but that generally, he’s made it difficult to believe what he says about whether or not he is going to keep a member of the staff around. Trump replied that he has good relationships, asking if I could name anyone who “speaks bad about me on the record.”
“People that are off the record — I think it doesn’t even exist. I think writers make it up,” he said. “Generally, generally. Not in all cases, but generally.”
“Well, you’ve cited anonymous sources before,” I said. “Were they made up?”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he said, “I say this: we have a really great White House. We have a really successful White House. We have — I call it a well-oiled machine. It’s ruled with tremendous people. And if you remember, you heard my story, when I got elected — I haven’t been to Washington my whole life, very rarely, probably never slept over. All of a sudden, I’m president of the United States. I didn’t know a lot of people in Washington. Now I know everybody that I want to know, a lot of people. And I bring changes, and those changes have been great changes. One of them over there.” He nodded in the direction of Pompeo, who was sitting behind me on the couch.
I wanted to know if he was really happy here, or if he misses New York.
“I love it. I think it’s great. Do I like it? Do I like the work? I love it. I actually really love it. Do you know why I love it? One simple reason, because nobody has accomplished as much in so short a period of time.” (Later he would, somewhat wistfully, remark that he once lived near New York Magazine’s former offices in midtown Manhattan.)
“How are you measuring that, exactly?” I asked.
His eyes narrowed. “See the list that’s in your hand?”
“But are you comparing it to a similar list from previous administrations?” I asked.
“No, I’m saying in the first two years of a president, and we’re not even at two years, nobody has come close to it. No one. Take a look. I mean, you take a look, and nobody has come close. So, I heard you’re gonna do a nasty story …”
I laughed. “Well, but it was,” Trump said. “And at least I should say, I never— one of your things was that I offered Nick, that man right there, a job. I didn’t. He just walked in!”
I turned around to see Nick Ayers, the vice-president’s chief of staff. “I told her that,” Ayers said.
One of the leads I was pursuing was a rumor that Trump had, at various times during Kelly’s tenure, offered the chief-of-staff job to other people in the White House, including Ayers. I had put that specific question to several officials, citing a specific date and location for one of the meetings in which I understood the job had been discussed in late June, just before the publication of a Wall Street Journal story that named Ayers, along with the director of the Office of Management and Budget, Mick Mulvaney, as would-be Kelly replacements.
Trump looked back at me. “He has a good relationship with the general. I didn’t offer Nick the job. I mean, I’m telling you in front. Now, you can write that I did. But now, you have him, you have me, and I didn’t offer him a job and he didn’t accept a job. And there was no offer!”
I asked if he’d met with Ayers in the residence to have a conversation about the job. “No. No! He’s been in the residence, but the only time I can remember him being in the residence is with Mike. He’s Mike’s guy. And I would never offer him something without speaking to Mike. I don’t do that. I don’t take people from people …” He paused for a beat. “Even though I guess I can,” he said, his tone even. Everyone laughed. “There’s no reason to do it though, so your narrative is wrong. It’s just amazing. We’re all having lunch and it’s so great that you’re all here. This was not set up.”
I joked that it seemed very spontaneous.
“When he says I didn’t offer him a job. When he says I didn’t, and when I didn’t, it’s just a false narrative. And I have a very good relationship with him,” he glanced to my right, where Kelly was sitting. “And if I didn’t, I’d have no problem, I’d say, ‘John, time to go.’ But you know what? I’m very happy with him. He’s happy with me.”
“Have you ever had an argument in which you have …” I began to say.
Trump cut in. “I argue with everyone,” he said. The room erupted with laughter. “Except Pompeo,” Trump said, his face contorting in surprise. “I don’t think I’ve had an argument with Pompeo!”
“Stand by!” Pompeo said. “Stand by!” Trump said. “The day is young,” Pence said.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders cut in. “Let’s make this the last question,” she said.
Trump went on, “I’m not sure I’ve had an argument with Mike!” In this case, he meant his vice-president.
I asked Trump if he was worried as he looked forward, about the midterms and about the Mueller investigation.
“Well, the Mueller investigation, if anything, it’s showing that the Democrats colluded with Russia and others. And it’s showing there’s no collusion from me. There never was. And yes, I’m very satisfied with the way that’s going. It’s a process. I’m very satisfied. I consider it to be an illegal investigation. It should’ve never been called. But is there anything there? Nothing. There’s no collusion. There is no collusion. By the way, I don’t know if you heard, [North Carolina senator] Richard Burr just came out, he said, ‘No, we have found no collusion.’ He’s a judge at the Senate committee. [Note: Burr is chair of Senate Intelligence Committee.] And you know, Nunes and all of them, Congressman Nunes came out and said there’s no collusion. So, you have two committees that spent much more than a year on this and they have found no collusion. Richard Burr just made the statement, just very recently. He said: ‘I found no collusion.’ You know why? Because there is no collusion. And they only interviewed, like, hundreds — I mean, the number of people is, like, incredible. The money that’s been spent is incredible. They’ve found no collusion. So, as far as other things are concerned, I think we’re just doing great. Yes, am I concerned about the election? I’d rather win elections. I’ve never lost an election in my life, okay? You know that, right? I’ve run one time. It was for the presidency. I actually had a senator come in and say, ‘Mr. President, I’ve been a senator for 24 years. Sir, I think this is the way you should do it.’ I said, ‘Well, you know, I’ve just been a president for two years. It’s the only time I ever ran for office.’ He said, ‘You know, that’s one of the most amazing things that I’ve ever seen and I’ve been doing this a long time.’ It is sort of interesting.”
Like his last three predecessors, Trump’s presidency began with majorities in the House and Senate. If Republicans lose control of a chamber, not only will it be more difficult for the president to achieve his policy goals, but it will place impeachment on the table. During my reporting, the subject of whether Kelly was the right person to deal with the worst-case scenario came up often. I’d heard there was interest in having someone with more practical political experience and relationships on Capitol Hill in the job. “It is amazing that the least political person in Washington, D.C., has the most political job in Washington, D.C.,” a former White House official told me. “Kelly has the political instincts of my grandmother.”
Trump went on, “But I’ve only run one election, and I’ve won. But we have an election coming up, I think we’re going to do well. I think, on the Senate side, we’re looking very strong. In fact we’re getting numbers in that, Olivia, races that people said six months ago we wouldn’t even challenge, we could win. Or do very well. You know, either way we’ll do very well. I won’t name senators because I’m not looking to embarrass anybody or have somebody say, Oh, gee, you’re wrong. But there are races for the Senate that really weren’t going to be in play. I mean, one would be Heidi [Heitkamp]. I would say Heidi was not really in play and now I just see that she’s down, supposedly, 14, 12 to 14, 10 to 14 points. I don’t know. Maybe she’ll do very well … But we’ll see what happens. I think the Senate looks very good. In the House, I think it looks like we have a good chance of doing okay.”
I asked if he’d discussed, among his staff, what to do in the worst-case scenario.
“No, no, I don’t discuss it. If we don’t do okay, I think we’ll be in great shape. And if we do okay, I think we’re gonna do very well in the Senate, and I think we’re gonna do much— here’s the thing, I’ve given you, and without the regulations and without the taxes, I’ve given you the greatest economy in the history of our country or, at a minimum, close. Four-point-two percent? Nobody thought that was even possible this early. You know, we’re talking about early. Jobs numbers, production numbers, everything up. Confidence levels, everything. I think we’re gonna do very well in the elections. If we don’t, we’ll do very well, we’ll find a way to do very well.”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders cut in, but Trump said he had time for another question.
“You’re saying that the narratives about your White House and your staff are false, but why do …” I began. Trump interrupted, asking me to speak louder. “Have you been told that you speak very softly?” he asked.
“You were saying that the narratives about your White House and your staff are incorrect. Why do they …” I began. Trump interrupted, saying that was not true “among everybody,” just “some people.” He went on, “I’ll be honest, I think Fox has covered it very accurately. They say, you know, we are producers. We produce like very few people anywhere produce. So, others don’t cover it as accurately.”
I asked why he believed non–Fox News narratives persisted. Why, for example, were there so many questions about his relationship with Kelly?
“Because you were gonna write a bad story about the relationship. I have a good relationship.” He looked over at Kelly. “Uh, general, what do you think of the president?” he asked.
“He’s a great president,” Kelly said. “Do we disagree sometimes? We do. My job is to make sure that that man has all of the information available from whatever source so that he makes the best decision, and then, when that decision is made, my job is to then implement that decision. There is, to the best of my knowledge, no chaos in this building. We’ve gotten rid of a few bad actors, but everyone works very, very well together. The biggest surprise when we bring new people in, like Bill Shine, it’s like, ‘I thought this place was gonna be full of backstabbers and chaos and, Chief, people all like each other.’ To the best of my knowledge …”
A smile spread across the president’s face. Cutting Kelly off, he said, “Bill was actually a little disappointed.” This prompted laughter around the room, but not from Kelly. “He thought it would be a lot more exciting,” Trump added.
“… So that’s why,” Kelly said. “With all due respect to you, people like you listen to people that I’ve had to let go, and they continue to report about chaos and this type of thing. The president of the United States is who I serve, right after the people of the United States and the Constitution, and right now this president is well served, not just by me, but by an entire White House staff.”
With that, everyone rose, except for Pence, who was standing the whole time, hovering near my chair across from the president’s desk.
“I respect you,” Trump told me. “I just wanted you to get the real picture. The timing was incredible. This was like, it was like …”
“We had a lunch plan,” Pence said.
“Is that a correct statement? This was just, like, perfect timing,” Trump said.
There are nearly 1,000 results from the last 14 months for the paired terms “John Kelly” and “fired” in the news database Nexis. As soon as he entered the building, the guessing about his inevitable exit began, as did the leaks that his new colleagues (or the outsiders whose influence he’d thwarted) hoped they could push him out the door. But the longer he stayed, the more doubts emerged that had less to do with palace intrigue — Kelly’s rules are suffocating the president; Kelly wants to send Jared and Ivanka home — and more with Kelly’s actions. In February, members of the staff were disappointed with Kelly’s handling of the scandal involving Rob Porter, the president’s staff secretary who’d been accused of abuse by his two ex-wives. “Not only did he lie, he tried to get everybody else to lie,” one former White House official told me. “People had deferred to him because he was a four-star Marine general, served his country, Gold Star father — all of these things that made you think, What a patriotic upstanding American serving his country! I viewed him as this giant, four-star general, everything that goes along with that. He’s very petty. He’s a small man.”
There’s always chatter about who could replace Kelly. This has been unchanged by the White House’s decision to claim that Trump has asked him to remain in the job through 2020. Trying to predict the outcome is a fool’s errand. Trump’s decision-making style is such that, up until the moment something begins happening, you can’t trust that it’ll happen. “Dumb luck” was the phrase one administration official used to explain Kelly’s endurance. The president can only focus his anger or frustrations for so long before he moves onto the next thing. Meaning, if someone is plotting to get rid of Kelly, convincing the president to concentrate on the idea that he’s a problem matters more than whether or not he actually is a problem. This is where Kelly is helped by the fact that his enemies are even more inept than they believe he is. “When the president says, I need you to leave, Kelly just ignores him,” the administration official said. “I think the president just doesn’t know who to call to fire him. Normally if the president wanted to fire somebody, he would call Kelly to do it. But there’s nobody else to call.”
As I turned to follow Sanders and Shine out of the room, someone said, “Hey, Olivia.” I turned toward the room again to see Kelly and Ayers entwined, their arms stretched around each other and their faces pressed close together. They smiled theatrically. “This is my friend,” Kelly said.
“Yes, and he’s mine,” Ayers said. “And I told her that. She knows that.”
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2018.10.12 07:38 kkkodaxerooo Olivia meets Trump (WTF?)

Around 12:20 p.m. on Tuesday, I was on my way out of the White House after a series of meetings in the West Wing. I was reporting on a question that has hung over this administration for months: How has Chief of Staff John Kelly managed to keep his job in spite of convincing and persistent rumors and reports that the president is unhappy with him, and he is unhappy in his job? I stopped to talk to another reporter, and then I began to walk toward the North Gate. As I walked, I noticed I had a missed call from a Washington number I didn’t recognize. It was Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. She sounded very serious. She asked me if I had left yet. When I said no, she asked me to come back inside, and when she greeted me, she looked very serious. She implied she wanted me to go with her behind a door. I didn’t understand, maybe didn’t quite hear her. Then, she told me Trump wanted to speak to me.
I walked to the Oval Office. I guessed that the president wanted to disabuse me of any notion that Kelly was about to be fired, or had almost been fired many times before. I was right, but my imagination was too limited. What ensued amounted to a private press conference — featuring a series of special guest stars from the highest echelon of the Trump administration — to try to get me to change my mind.
“I just heard that you were doing a story on … this stuff,” the president said as he came into the Oval Office and sat down at the Resolute Desk. I sat in a chair across from him. Next to me were Sanders and communications director Bill Shine.
“General Kelly’s doing a very good job,” Trump told me. “We have a very good relationship. The White House is running very, very smoothly. We’ve had a big week. We just got a Supreme Court justice on the bench. We have the USMCA, meaning the NAFTA replacement, and many other things. We had a great meeting with North Korea. It was a great meeting. The secretary of State’s coming just in ten minutes.”
He went on, “But I want to tell you a couple of things: the chief is doing a very good job. I’m very happy with him, we have a very good relationship, number one. Number two, I didn’t offer anybody else the job. I didn’t talk to anybody about the job. And I’m not, I’m not looking. Now, look, with time, do people leave? As an example, Nikki Haley told me six months ago, even a year ago — but six months ago, that, you know, she’s been governor, she’s done this, she’s helped us with the campaign, a lot of good things, and you probably saw the conference. It was a very, very positive thing. We have a very positive story going on at the White House. We have a very positive story for the country. We’re doing a great job. We have the greatest economy in the history of our country. We have among the greatest job numbers. Among many groups, we have the greatest job numbers. We have things going on that are phenomenal on trade. China wants to make a deal — I said, you’re not ready yet. But they wanna make a deal, and at some point we might. Iran wants to make a deal. They all wanna make a deal. We have great things going. We have a very smooth-running organization even though it’s never reported that way. So the real story is that. It’s really the real story. When you walk in here, you don’t see chaos. There is no chaos. The media likes to portray chaos. There’s no chaos. I’m leaving for Iowa in a little while. We’re doing something that’s going to be very exciting tonight in Iowa. A big, a big announcement, actually. Doing four rallies this week. I think the rallies have, frankly, built up our poll numbers very greatly. What am I now in Rasmussen? 52?”
The question was directed at Sanders, who confirmed the number. [Note: The Rasmussen poll had Trump at 51 percent.]
“Plus there’s 10 percent, they think, where people don’t respond, unfortunately. I’m not sure if this is nice or not nice, but when they don’t respond, that means it’s an automatic Trump vote. But it’s a 52,” Trump said, “and we’re doing very well in the polls. You see what’s happening with respect to the election, I mean, you know, to the midterms, even though — I know — historically, the president, you don’t tend to do so well in the midterms, but we have, this is a different presidency and this is the greatest economy ever. So, we’ll have to test that. But even the polls are saying that we have really come a long way in the last three weeks. I think we’re gonna do well. And that’s all I have to say. I want to just tell you that I’m very happy with General Kelly and I get along very well with him. We have a very good relationship. And if we didn’t, I wouldn’t stand for it for a minute, and he wouldn’t want it any other way. So it’s just a different narrative than what you were saying. And with that, you’re gonna have to write what you have to write, but the truth is, we have a really smooth-running White House and nothing and nobody has done more in their first two years as president. We’re not even up to the second year.”
The president craned his neck slightly upward, in the direction of the door. “Could you give me the list, please?” he asked, raising his voice so a secretary could hear. “I’ve gotta give you the list. Nobody has come close to doing what we’ve done in less than two years as president. Whether it’s regulations or tax cuts or so many other things.” The secretary walked into the room, holding two sheets of computer paper. “Give that to Olivia,” Trump said. “These are just some of the things that were done since taking office,” he told me. The pages were stamped with 58 bullet points, typed in a large font. At the top, underlined, bold, and all-caps, it read, “TRUMP ADMINISTRATION ACCOMPLISHMENTS.” On the first page, the points related mostly to jobs numbers or executive orders or promises from the tax-reform bill. On the second page, there were more puzzling accomplishments like, “Republicans want STRONG BORDERS and NO CRIME. Democrats want OPEN BORDERS which equals MASSIVE CRIME.”
“So,” Trump went on, “it would be great to have an accurately written story, because we do have — when you walk in here, I think you see, if you read something, it’s totally different than the fact.”
I asked Trump to explain how the White House was different with Kelly as chief of staff. “He’s a four-star marine. He is a man who likes to see order and discipline, which I like. We came in and it was more free-rolling. We did a lot! We did a lot during the entire period. But I think there is great order now.” He claimed that this has never been a point of frustration, as has often been reported. “No, I like it. I like order. I like it both ways! Honestly, I’ve had it both ways. I’ve had it both ways in my life and in my business, and sometimes freewheeling is a very good thing. You know, it’s not a bad thing. We did a lot. If you look at the first six months, we did a lot.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well,” he said, squinting his eyes in the direction of the papers I was holding. “You can take a look at some of the things on the list. Some of that was done early. Look at the pipelines. That was done early. A lot of great job-producing events. A lot of regulation cutting, we did tremendous regulation cuts. That was all done pretty early. So what I’m saying— and this is not even updated. We have achieved a lot in the last month and a half, two months, since that’s been done. But we’ve done a really great job and it’s so reported by those that are, by those that want it to be accurately reported. And I think, at least, I should be able — because I know you’re gonna go in and write something — at least I should be able to tell you, out of respect, that the relationships are very good and I think you could say, Sarah, that the relationships in the White House have been very good, especially over the last six months, seven months. It’s been very, very smooth. It’s been a very smooth-running White House.” Sanders agreed.
Often, before an official departs his orbit, Trump publicly remarks that he’s very fond of them. I began to ask Trump how he expected me to believe his relationship with Kelly was so good, given that fact, when he cut in. “Well, I made changes. For instance, secretary of State, I put somebody in that I wanted. And it’s really working out very well — he’s done a very fantastic job. Mike Pompeo, Mike Pompeo. But that doesn’t mean that we weren’t doing a good job before, whether the relationships were good or not good. But I wanted to make a change and I made a change.”
I completed asking the question about staffers who had been ousted in the past despite assurances from Trump that all was well.
“Like who?” Trump asked. I offered Steve Bannon as an example. He asked if I’d seen Bannon on television lately, which I had. “Well, I saw Steve Bannon, haven’t spoken to Steve Bannon in a year. But I saw Steve Bannon on television twice in the last month and— General! Come here a moment!”
Kelly had appeared in the room, a wary expression on his face, which resembles a cross between Wallace Shawn and Woody Harrelson. Kelly’s military service began in 1970 and over the decades took him around the world. He’d served in Belgium and he’d overseen U.S. and Iraqi forces in Iraq and operations across 32 countries in Central America, South America, and the Caribbean. It seems silly to think that such a person would ever give a fuck about anything related to matters of palace intrigue in this White House. Had he known we’d be discussing this? Had the president ordered him to be here? Was it all a coincidence? It is a small place, in fairness. Nobody tells you that before you visit. It’s like it was built for elves. It’s possible he had just been walking by. But if that was the case, the president’s repeated comments about how serendipitous all of this was made it feel like a big production.
“This is Olivia, she’s going to say very, very wonderful things about you. This is General Kelly,” Trump said.
“Come in, Mike!”
Closely behind Kelly was Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who was scheduled for a 12:30 lunch with the president.
“Olivia can write badly about you,” Trump told him. The men laughed at the president’s joke.
“Stay there for a second. I just wanted to see Olivia for two seconds,” Trump said. “Look, look who comes in, and we actually have lunch today,” Trump said.
I jokingly asked if I was invited to the lunch. “Anytime you want,” Trump said. Kelly, who was sitting down near me across from the president’s desk, remarked, “Best French fries in the world.”
Trump didn’t acknowledge him. “But Bannon,” he said, picking up the conversation where we’d left off, “if you’ve seen Bannon on shows over the last month …” He briefly went off the record.
“Look who you have here,” he said. He glanced toward the entryway again. “Look who you have here. We had a meeting scheduled!”
Vice-President Mike Pence walked into the room.
“This is Olivia. She’s a disruptive writer but that’s okay,” Trump told him. He laughed.
This was beginning to feel ridiculous, like this was the reunion episode of a sitcom, in which Bob Saget might come out next to an applause track.
I explained to the president that my point was not about Bannon specifically, but that generally, he’s made it difficult to believe what he says about whether or not he is going to keep a member of the staff around. Trump replied that he has good relationships, asking if I could name anyone who “speaks bad about me on the record.”
“People that are off the record — I think it doesn’t even exist. I think writers make it up,” he said. “Generally, generally. Not in all cases, but generally.”
“Well, you’ve cited anonymous sources before,” I said. “Were they made up?”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he said, “I say this: we have a really great White House. We have a really successful White House. We have — I call it a well-oiled machine. It’s ruled with tremendous people. And if you remember, you heard my story, when I got elected — I haven’t been to Washington my whole life, very rarely, probably never slept over. All of a sudden, I’m president of the United States. I didn’t know a lot of people in Washington. Now I know everybody that I want to know, a lot of people. And I bring changes, and those changes have been great changes. One of them over there.” He nodded in the direction of Pompeo, who was sitting behind me on the couch.
I wanted to know if he was really happy here, or if he misses New York.
“I love it. I think it’s great. Do I like it? Do I like the work? I love it. I actually really love it. Do you know why I love it? One simple reason, because nobody has accomplished as much in so short a period of time.” (Later he would, somewhat wistfully, remark that he once lived near New York Magazine’s former offices in midtown Manhattan.)
“How are you measuring that, exactly?” I asked.
His eyes narrowed. “See the list that’s in your hand?”
“But are you comparing it to a similar list from previous administrations?” I asked.
“No, I’m saying in the first two years of a president, and we’re not even at two years, nobody has come close to it. No one. Take a look. I mean, you take a look, and nobody has come close. So, I heard you’re gonna do a nasty story …”
I laughed. “Well, but it was,” Trump said. “And at least I should say, I never— one of your things was that I offered Nick, that man right there, a job. I didn’t. He just walked in!”
I turned around to see Nick Ayers, the vice-president’s chief of staff. “I told her that,” Ayers said.
One of the leads I was pursuing was a rumor that Trump had, at various times during Kelly’s tenure, offered the chief-of-staff job to other people in the White House, including Ayers. I had put that specific question to several officials, citing a specific date and location for one of the meetings in which I understood the job had been discussed in late June, just before the publication of a Wall Street Journal story that named Ayers, along with the director of the Office of Management and Budget, Mick Mulvaney, as would-be Kelly replacements.
Trump looked back at me. “He has a good relationship with the general. I didn’t offer Nick the job. I mean, I’m telling you in front. Now, you can write that I did. But now, you have him, you have me, and I didn’t offer him a job and he didn’t accept a job. And there was no offer!”
I asked if he’d met with Ayers in the residence to have a conversation about the job. “No. No! He’s been in the residence, but the only time I can remember him being in the residence is with Mike. He’s Mike’s guy. And I would never offer him something without speaking to Mike. I don’t do that. I don’t take people from people …” He paused for a beat. “Even though I guess I can,” he said, his tone even. Everyone laughed. “There’s no reason to do it though, so your narrative is wrong. It’s just amazing. We’re all having lunch and it’s so great that you’re all here. This was not set up.”
I joked that it seemed very spontaneous.
“When he says I didn’t offer him a job. When he says I didn’t, and when I didn’t, it’s just a false narrative. And I have a very good relationship with him,” he glanced to my right, where Kelly was sitting. “And if I didn’t, I’d have no problem, I’d say, ‘John, time to go.’ But you know what? I’m very happy with him. He’s happy with me.”
“Have you ever had an argument in which you have …” I began to say.
Trump cut in. “I argue with everyone,” he said. The room erupted with laughter. “Except Pompeo,” Trump said, his face contorting in surprise. “I don’t think I’ve had an argument with Pompeo!”
“Stand by!” Pompeo said. “Stand by!” Trump said. “The day is young,” Pence said.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders cut in. “Let’s make this the last question,” she said.
Trump went on, “I’m not sure I’ve had an argument with Mike!” In this case, he meant his vice-president.
I asked Trump if he was worried as he looked forward, about the midterms and about the Mueller investigation.
“Well, the Mueller investigation, if anything, it’s showing that the Democrats colluded with Russia and others. And it’s showing there’s no collusion from me. There never was. And yes, I’m very satisfied with the way that’s going. It’s a process. I’m very satisfied. I consider it to be an illegal investigation. It should’ve never been called. But is there anything there? Nothing. There’s no collusion. There is no collusion. By the way, I don’t know if you heard, [North Carolina senator] Richard Burr just came out, he said, ‘No, we have found no collusion.’ He’s a judge at the Senate committee. [Note: Burr is chair of Senate Intelligence Committee.] And you know, Nunes and all of them, Congressman Nunes came out and said there’s no collusion. So, you have two committees that spent much more than a year on this and they have found no collusion. Richard Burr just made the statement, just very recently. He said: ‘I found no collusion.’ You know why? Because there is no collusion. And they only interviewed, like, hundreds — I mean, the number of people is, like, incredible. The money that’s been spent is incredible. They’ve found no collusion. So, as far as other things are concerned, I think we’re just doing great. Yes, am I concerned about the election? I’d rather win elections. I’ve never lost an election in my life, okay? You know that, right? I’ve run one time. It was for the presidency. I actually had a senator come in and say, ‘Mr. President, I’ve been a senator for 24 years. Sir, I think this is the way you should do it.’ I said, ‘Well, you know, I’ve just been a president for two years. It’s the only time I ever ran for office.’ He said, ‘You know, that’s one of the most amazing things that I’ve ever seen and I’ve been doing this a long time.’ It is sort of interesting.”
Like his last three predecessors, Trump’s presidency began with majorities in the House and Senate. If Republicans lose control of a chamber, not only will it be more difficult for the president to achieve his policy goals, but it will place impeachment on the table. During my reporting, the subject of whether Kelly was the right person to deal with the worst-case scenario came up often. I’d heard there was interest in having someone with more practical political experience and relationships on Capitol Hill in the job. “It is amazing that the least political person in Washington, D.C., has the most political job in Washington, D.C.,” a former White House official told me. “Kelly has the political instincts of my grandmother.”
Trump went on, “But I’ve only run one election, and I’ve won. But we have an election coming up, I think we’re going to do well. I think, on the Senate side, we’re looking very strong. In fact we’re getting numbers in that, Olivia, races that people said six months ago we wouldn’t even challenge, we could win. Or do very well. You know, either way we’ll do very well. I won’t name senators because I’m not looking to embarrass anybody or have somebody say, Oh, gee, you’re wrong. But there are races for the Senate that really weren’t going to be in play. I mean, one would be Heidi [Heitkamp]. I would say Heidi was not really in play and now I just see that she’s down, supposedly, 14, 12 to 14, 10 to 14 points. I don’t know. Maybe she’ll do very well … But we’ll see what happens. I think the Senate looks very good. In the House, I think it looks like we have a good chance of doing okay.”
I asked if he’d discussed, among his staff, what to do in the worst-case scenario.
“No, no, I don’t discuss it. If we don’t do okay, I think we’ll be in great shape. And if we do okay, I think we’re gonna do very well in the Senate, and I think we’re gonna do much— here’s the thing, I’ve given you, and without the regulations and without the taxes, I’ve given you the greatest economy in the history of our country or, at a minimum, close. Four-point-two percent? Nobody thought that was even possible this early. You know, we’re talking about early. Jobs numbers, production numbers, everything up. Confidence levels, everything. I think we’re gonna do very well in the elections. If we don’t, we’ll do very well, we’ll find a way to do very well.”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders cut in, but Trump said he had time for another question.
“You’re saying that the narratives about your White House and your staff are false, but why do …” I began. Trump interrupted, asking me to speak louder. “Have you been told that you speak very softly?” he asked.
“You were saying that the narratives about your White House and your staff are incorrect. Why do they …” I began. Trump interrupted, saying that was not true “among everybody,” just “some people.” He went on, “I’ll be honest, I think Fox has covered it very accurately. They say, you know, we are producers. We produce like very few people anywhere produce. So, others don’t cover it as accurately.”
I asked why he believed non–Fox News narratives persisted. Why, for example, were there so many questions about his relationship with Kelly?
“Because you were gonna write a bad story about the relationship. I have a good relationship.” He looked over at Kelly. “Uh, general, what do you think of the president?” he asked.
“He’s a great president,” Kelly said. “Do we disagree sometimes? We do. My job is to make sure that that man has all of the information available from whatever source so that he makes the best decision, and then, when that decision is made, my job is to then implement that decision. There is, to the best of my knowledge, no chaos in this building. We’ve gotten rid of a few bad actors, but everyone works very, very well together. The biggest surprise when we bring new people in, like Bill Shine, it’s like, ‘I thought this place was gonna be full of backstabbers and chaos and, Chief, people all like each other.’ To the best of my knowledge …”
A smile spread across the president’s face. Cutting Kelly off, he said, “Bill was actually a little disappointed.” This prompted laughter around the room, but not from Kelly. “He thought it would be a lot more exciting,” Trump added.
“… So that’s why,” Kelly said. “With all due respect to you, people like you listen to people that I’ve had to let go, and they continue to report about chaos and this type of thing. The president of the United States is who I serve, right after the people of the United States and the Constitution, and right now this president is well served, not just by me, but by an entire White House staff.”
With that, everyone rose, except for Pence, who was standing the whole time, hovering near my chair across from the president’s desk.
“I respect you,” Trump told me. “I just wanted you to get the real picture. The timing was incredible. This was like, it was like …”
“We had a lunch plan,” Pence said.
“Is that a correct statement? This was just, like, perfect timing,” Trump said.
There are nearly 1,000 results from the last 14 months for the paired terms “John Kelly” and “fired” in the news database Nexis. As soon as he entered the building, the guessing about his inevitable exit began, as did the leaks that his new colleagues (or the outsiders whose influence he’d thwarted) hoped they could push him out the door. But the longer he stayed, the more doubts emerged that had less to do with palace intrigue — Kelly’s rules are suffocating the president; Kelly wants to send Jared and Ivanka home — and more with Kelly’s actions. In February, members of the staff were disappointed with Kelly’s handling of the scandal involving Rob Porter, the president’s staff secretary who’d been accused of abuse by his two ex-wives. “Not only did he lie, he tried to get everybody else to lie,” one former White House official told me. “People had deferred to him because he was a four-star Marine general, served his country, Gold Star father — all of these things that made you think, What a patriotic upstanding American serving his country! I viewed him as this giant, four-star general, everything that goes along with that. He’s very petty. He’s a small man.”
There’s always chatter about who could replace Kelly. This has been unchanged by the White House’s decision to claim that Trump has asked him to remain in the job through 2020. Trying to predict the outcome is a fool’s errand. Trump’s decision-making style is such that, up until the moment something begins happening, you can’t trust that it’ll happen. “Dumb luck” was the phrase one administration official used to explain Kelly’s endurance. The president can only focus his anger or frustrations for so long before he moves onto the next thing. Meaning, if someone is plotting to get rid of Kelly, convincing the president to concentrate on the idea that he’s a problem matters more than whether or not he actually is a problem. This is where Kelly is helped by the fact that his enemies are even more inept than they believe he is. “When the president says, I need you to leave, Kelly just ignores him,” the administration official said. “I think the president just doesn’t know who to call to fire him. Normally if the president wanted to fire somebody, he would call Kelly to do it. But there’s nobody else to call.”
As I turned to follow Sanders and Shine out of the room, someone said, “Hey, Olivia.” I turned toward the room again to see Kelly and Ayers entwined, their arms stretched around each other and their faces pressed close together. They smiled theatrically. “This is my friend,” Kelly said.
“Yes, and he’s mine,” Ayers said. “And I told her that. She knows that.”
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2018.05.18 05:34 kittehgoesmeow What A Day: Animal instincts by Priyanka Aribindi, Brian Beutler & Crooked Media (5/17/18)

"I have no interest in television right now."—Michael Avenatti, likely tweeting from an MSNBC green room

Trump, King of Nuance

On Wednesday, President Trump faced widespread backlash for referring to some deported immigrants as “animals.”
Republican pundits rushed to Trump’s defense, arguing that Trump had been taken out of context, and had only referred to MS-13 gang members as animals. People should read the full transcript, which makes it pretty clear that Trump was doing the same thing he’s been doing since he called Mexican immigrants rapists when he launched his campaign: conflating immigrants with criminals.
Many Republican critics decided to take their argument a step further by accusing liberals and Democrats of siding with MS-13 over Trump—a predictably gross move that made its way into Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ press briefing today.
The bullying tactic worked well enough that the Associated Press deleted a tweet because it didn’t include the caveats conservatives demanded.
From Brian: This episode dovetails with an increasingly prominent conservative argument that excessive liberal accusations of racism are responsible for making Republicans embrace white nationalism. Yes, people actually say that. But it’s a rigged game. It confronts Trump’s critics with a choice between giving him a pass on his racism (selling the humanity of immigrants short) or being accused of elitism, or worse. Here, Trump said something racist, people called it racist, and his supporters turned around and accused those people of being in league with gang members. Nobody can force conservatives to stop defending Trump’s racism, but nobody has to buy into these bad faith arguments either.

Hurricane of Crimes

On Wednesday, the New York Times published a comprehensive history of the early days of the FBI’s investigation of the Trump campaign. The main subtext of the piece is that FBI leaders were so concerned about the sensitivity of the investigation, and concerned that Trump would use its existence to delegitimize the American political system if he found out about it, that they told practically no one, keeping the public in the dark about the fact that the Republican nominee’s campaign was under federal investigation. Reminder: We did hear A LOT about the investigation of his opponent! Still frustrating!
The Trump investigation has since yielded dozens of indictments and five guilty pleas, underscoring why it was needed in the first place. Trump propagandists, by contrast, are characterizing the very fact his advisers were under investigation as evidence that the FBI “spied” on his campaign. How dare they investigate people who later admitted their own guilt! Why won’t the FBI let my crime syndicate operate with impunity? This is America!

What Else

Paul Manafort’s ex-son-in-law and ex-business partner is cooperating with Special Counsel Robert Mueller after entering a plea agreement that remains under seal. The search is on for someone who won’t turn on Paul Manafort.
Rudy Giuliani claims Mueller won’t indict Trump if he finds wrongdoing, and that Mueller told him that he would follow the Justice Department’s legal determination that the Constitution doesn’t allow for a sitting president to be prosecuted. Cool talking point! One caveat: The guy who wrote the special counsel regulations says that even if Giuliani isn’t making this shit up, it’s still probably bad news for Trump.
By a vote of 54-45, the Senate confirmed Gina Haspel as Trump’s next CIA director. Sens. Joe Donnelly (D-IN), Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND), Joe Manchin (D-WV), Bill Nelson (D-FL), Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH), and Mark Warner (D-VA) crossed the aisle, ensuring that a leader of the Bush administration torture program who didn’t have enough Republican votes to be confirmed got the job anyhow. Great work everyone.
The FDA has approved the first non-opioid treatment to ease opioid withdrawal symptoms.
White House officials have limited the number of communications staffers invited to daily meetings after the fact that they “joked” about John McCain’s terminal cancer leaked. Leakers, keep leaking.
More House Republicans are openly defying their leaders by signing on to an effort to force votes on legislation to help Dreamers. House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy claims a debate on immigration could cost Republicans the majority, because their nativist white base will punish them if a pro-Dreamer bill passes.
Trump “doesn’t think he needs” to prepare much for his summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, which, if you’ve read a single article about him ever, should not surprise you at all.
A mysterious, sharp increase in emissions of an ozone-destroying chemical that has been banned worldwide has convinced leading scientists that someone is producing it illegally in East Asia. If this isn’t stopped, they believe the recovery of the ozone layer could be delayed by more than a decade. (Real setback for Trump Chemicals, Inc.)
Cambridge Analytica allegedly tried to suppress voting while working for Steve Bannon, specifically targeting African Americans with “voter disengagement tactics,” according to the same former employee who revealed the firm’s original misuse of Facebook data. People of conscience would find this admission gross, but these monsters actually bragged about it during the campaign!
After a Tim Horton’s employee refused to let a woman use the restroom, she pooped at the register and threw it at him. From Brian: I knew the Crooked Media HQ toilet situation had become untenable, but I didn’t know Tim Horton’s had expanded to West Hollywood.

Look No Further than the Crooked Media

There’s plenty happening on Pod Save the World this week—Tommy talks with Washington Post reporter Anne Gearan about Gaza, the Trump administration response, the twists and turns leading up to the North Korea summit, and Rex Tillerson’s harsh criticism of President Trump.
Listen

Be Smarter

The question of whether Democrats will be able to take back the House of Representatives will turn on swing districts—whose voters happen to be whiter, older, and wealthier than average.
According to the Washington Post, “Police brutality, the opioid epidemic, health insurance, hourly wages and college affordability could all take a back seat in these races that will decide control of the House. It's a safe assumption that those aren't the highest-priority issues with the voters who will have an outsize influence on which party controls Congress.”
All the more reason to register, pitch in, and vote →

Did You Read That Thing?

It’s the one-year anniversary of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation, so what better time to get an inside look at his rock-solid team?
Read

The New Dumbest Thing I Have Ever Heard

Someone somewhere wants to rot our brains with a third generation of the horrible TV show Crossfire, featuring Michael Avenatti and Anthony Scaramucci. Hard pass.

You've Gotten Be Fucking Kidding Me

According to Bill Gates, Donald Trump asked him “if there was a difference between HIV and HPV.” Trump is the abstinence-only president who called avoiding venereal disease his “personal Vietnam,” then paid off an adult-film actress with whom he had unprotected sex right after his youngest child was born.

Enjoy

Bryan Menegus on Twitter: "No one has fucked up harder than this person"
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2018.05.11 20:54 memesistential Who Wrote What Sketch? Season 43 Edition

I've listed down the rundown of each sketch from every episode of Season 43. I've left a lot of the writing credits blank since there are no known credits for them.
Q: How do you find out about who writes what sketch?
A lot of the writers and cast members often post about the sketches that they've written on their TwitteInstagram accounts. SNL has a list of the writers on their Twitter account.
Recurring sketches and Weekend Update features are often written by the same people who wrote it initially.
Episode 01: Ryan Gosling
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Another Close Encounter (Mrs. Rafferty) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Levi's Wokes Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
The Fliplets
Henrietta and the Fugitive Julio Torres
Italian Restaurant (Terrezano's) Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie, Cecily Strong
Papyrus Julio Torres
Dive Bar
Episode 02: Gal Gadot
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
E! New Lineup
First Date (O.J.) Colin Jost, Michael Che, Kenan Thompson
The Chosen One (Chad)
Mirage
Safelite
The Maiden and the Mice
Espionage
Themyscira
The Naomi Show Heidi Gardner, Gary Richardson
Episode 03: Kumail Nanjiani
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) Kumail Nanjiani
Bank Breakers
Kellywise James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Kate McKinnon
Film Panel (Debette Goldry) Anna Drezen, Sudi Green
Hotel Check-in
Nursing Home
Customer Service (Melania) Julio Torres
Episode 04: Larry David
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) Larry David
The Price is Right: Celebrity Edition
White House Press Conference (Confident) Aidy Bryant, Sudi Green
Career Retrospective Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
The Baby Step Fran Gillespie
Fresh Takes
New Wife (Candace/Munty Hunty) James Anderson, Julio Torres, Cecily Strong
Beers Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett
Episode 05: Tiffany Haddish
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) Tiffany Haddish
Tournament Fighter (Boo-boo Jefferies) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Lion King Auditions
Message from the DNC
Beck and Kyle Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
The Last Black Unicorn
Get Woke with Tamika
The Dolphin Who Learned to Speak Aidy Bryant, Anna Drezen, Kate McKinnon
Whiskers R We
Episode 06: Chance the Rapper
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Wayne Thanksgiving
Come Back, Barack Chris Redd, Kenan Thompson, Will Stephen
Family Feud Bryan Tucker
Sports Announcer Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Rap History Pete Davidson, Michael Che, Bryan Tucker
Career Day
Porn Pizza Delivery
Episode 07: Saoirse Ronan
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Floribama Shore Luke Null, Heidi Gardner, Andrew Dismukes
American Girl Store
Welcome to Hell Aidy Bryant, Anna Drezen, Sudi, Green, Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong
Return Counter
The Race Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Bachelor Auction (Chad)
Late for Class (Brody Chode)
Aer Lingus
Episode 08: James Franco
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Sexual Harrasment Charlie
Gift Wrap
Scrugde Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Spelling Bee
Za
Christmas Charity
Reunion (Pretty Mandy) Heidi Gardner
Episode 09: Kevin Hart
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) Kevin Hart
Holiday Jewelry Anna Drezen, Sudi Green
Office Phone Call
Captain Shadow and the Cardinal
Inside The NBA Steven Castillo (inc.)
Nativity Play
Christmas Party
Active Jack Kenan Thompson, Bryan Tucker
Episode 10: Sam Rockwell
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Science Show Streeter Seidell, Cecily Strong, Mikey Day
Tucci Gang Pete Davidson, Michael Koman
Fashion Panel
My Drunk Boyfriend Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Captain Hook
ATM Michael Che, Gary Richardson
Marcus Comes to Dinner
Genetics Lab (Doghead Guy) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Chantix Commercial
Episode 11: Jessica Chastain
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue Claire Friedman, Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Car Hunk Anna Drezen (inc.)
Fresh Prince Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Chris Redd
Google Talks Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
What Even Matters Anymore Claire Friedman (inc.)
Taco Math Heidi Gardner
Doctor's Orders (Chad)
Movie Set
Episode 12: Will Ferrell
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Fighter Pilots Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
The House
Commercial Shoot Anna Drezen (inc.)
Flight Attendants
Next: For Men Anna Drezen, Fran Gillespie
Reality Stars James Anderson, Cecily Strong
Dinner Discussion
Office Breakroom
Chucky Lee Byrd
Episode 13: Natalie Portman
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Revolutionary War Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker
Stranger Things 3
Natalie's Second Rap Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
Alien Lover Andrew Dismukes (inc.)
Kids Choice Awards Red Carpet Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
First Lady
Bunny Aidy Bryant, Michael Che
Episode 14: Charles Barkley
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Harassment Awards
Roach Product
Homework Hotline
The Champions Streeter Seidell, Bryan Tucker
Hump or Dump
Con Ed Repair Site
Last Call (Shiela Sovage)
Episode 15: Sterling K. Brown (Note: Somebody found a rundown with the writing credits)
Sketch Writers
Cold Open Bryan Tucker, Will Stephen
Monologue Fran Gillespie, Sudi Green, Gary Richardson
Celebrity Family Feud: Oscars Edition Bryan Tucker
This Is U.S. Claire Friedman
Family Dinner Steven Castillo, Will Stephen
Sasquatch Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Black Panther Scene Bryan Tucker, Streeter Seidell
Doctor Love Sam Jay, Gary Richardson, Julio Torres
Movie Coverage James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Mitch Silpa
Rock vs. Rap Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Dying Mrs. Gomez Steven Castillo, Melissa Villasenor
Episode 16: Bill Hader
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
The Californians James Anderson, Fred Armisen, Bill Hader
Irish Dating Show
Girlfriends Game Night James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Jurassic Park Screen Test
Sacred Rock
CBC Report
Undercover Office Potty Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Episode 17: Chadwick Boseman
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Nike Women's Ad Aidy Bryant, Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Black Jeopardy Bryan Tucker, Michael Che
Medical Breakthrough Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Aidy B & Cardy B Aidy Bryant, Will Stephen, Michael Che
Magic Mirror Steven Castillo (inc.)
Warehouse Fire
Restaurant Complaint
The Game of Life: DACA Edition Anna Drezen, Julio Torres
Wakanda Forever Chris Redd, Pete Davidson, Michael Koman
Episode 18: John Mulaney
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) John Mulaney
Drag Brunch James Anderson, Julio Torres
National School Walkout
Wild Wild Country Michael Che
Diner Lobster John Mulaney, Colin Jost
Sitcom Reboot John Mulaney, Marika Sawyer, Simon Rich
Horns Luke Null, Heidi Gardner
The Real Intros of Reality Hills
Episode 19: Donald Glover
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Courtoom Donald Glover, Kent Sublette, Streeter Seidell
Friendos Chris Redd, Gary Richardson, Will Stephen
'80s Music Video James Anderson, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
A Kanye Place Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
Dirty Talk Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Lando's Summit Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Barbie Instagram James Anderson, Julio Torres
Prison Job
Episode 20: Amy Schumer
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue (Stand-up) Amy Schumer
Mother Knows Best Mikey Day, Kate McKinnon, Streeter Seidell
New Hulu Show Sudi Green (sic)
The Day You Were Born Streeter Seidell
Gospel Brunch
Lil Rent
Last Call
Graduation Commercial Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
Episode 21: Tina Fey
Sketch Writers
Cold Open
Monologue
Royal Wedding Mikey Day, Alex Moffat, Streeter Seidell
Morning Joe
Mean Girls
Pervert Hunters Mikey Day, Streeter Seidell
Sarah Palin Advice
Talent Show
Chicago Improv Mikey Day, Alex Moffat, Streeter Seidell
Weekend Update Features
Segment Writers
Angela Merkel on Reelection
Guy Who Just Bought a Boat on Dating Anna Drezen
Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Neil Gorsuch
Pete Davidson on Mental Health Pete Davidson
Ivana Trump
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. on Paul Manafort Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Alex Moffat
Angel Heidi Gardner
Leslie Jones on Baseball Leslie Jones
Claire from HR Anna Drezen, Erin Doyle, Sudi Green, Cecily Strong
Lavar Ball Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Jeff Sessions
Bruce Chandling on Thanksgiving Kyle Mooney
Pete Davidson on Staten Island Pete Davidson
Theresa May
The Duncans on the Kama Sutra
Cathy Anne
A White Woman Named Gretchen
Omarosa Manigault Newman
Guy Who Just Bought a Boat on Christmas Anna Drezen
Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham
Aidy Bryant Aidy Bryant, Sudi Green
LaVar Ball on Sons LaMelo and LiAngelo Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Stormy Daniels Anna Drezen
Robert Mueller Will Stephen
Princes William and Harry
Jacob Silj on the World Economic Forum
Bailey Gismert
Brigitte Bardot and Catherine Deneuve James Anderson, Kate McKinnon, Kent Sublette, Cecily Strong
Pete Davidson on Filming a Commercial Pete Davidson
Willie
Hope Hicks
Kyle Mooney Kyle Mooney
Leslie Jones on the 2018 Winter Olympics Leslie Jones
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. on Chaos in the White House Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Alex Moffat
Dawn Lazarus on the Third Winter Storm Jeremy Beiler, Vanessa Bayer
Betsy DeVos
Pete Davidson on Kevin Love Pete Davidson
Stefon John Mulaney
Mark Zuckerberg Anna Drezen, Will Stephen
Angel on the Royal Wedding Heidi Gardner
Laura Ingraham
LaVar Ball on Lonzo's Year Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Pete Davidson on Colin Jost & Michael Che Pete Davidson
Leslie Jones on Facebook's Dating Feature Leslie Jones
Bailey Gismert on Summer Movies
Michael Che's Step-Mom
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. on Paul Manafort Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day, Alex Moffat
Bishop Michael Curry Bryan Tucker, Kenan Thompson
Cut-for-Time Sketches
Sketch Writers
The Last Fry (Gal Gadot) Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary, Fran Gillespie
Climate Change (Kumail Nanjiani) Nick Kocher, Bryan McElhaney, Beck Bennett
New Year's Kiss (Kevin Hart) Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Hallmark Christmas Promo (James Franco) Sudi Green, Fran Gillespie
My Little Stepchild (Natalie Portman) Julio Torres
Star Warriors (Charles Barkley) Streeter Seidell, Mikey Day
St. Patrick's Day (Bill Hader)
Wedding Toast (John Mulaney) Andrew Dismukes, Luke Null, Streeter Seidell
Fish Dreams (John Mulaney) Kyle Mooney, Beck Bennett, Dave McCary
Cleveland Cavs Promo (Donald Glover) Colin Jost, Josh Patten, Pete Schultz
Spirituality Rap (Amy Schumer) Steven Castillo, Will Stephen
Friendship Song (Tina Fey) Sudi Green (inc.)

submitted by memesistential to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.05.02 21:09 fanboybtes SNL Predict for Donald Glover - - it's simple multichoice!

1 -- Trumpwin Appearance? -- yay/nay
2 -- Cold Open Topic -- Kanye and Trump/Trump's lawyers/MuelleSarah H-Sanders Conference
3 -- Name A New Impression We Could See Anywhere In This Episode (Cast For A Bonus Point)
4 -- Cast Star(s) of the Cold Open -- Mikey/Alex/Beck/Cecily/Kate/Aidy/Chris
5 -- Monologue Setup -- Questions/Musical/Solo/Joined On Stage/Stand Up/Audience Riffing
6 -- Monologue Cast Appearance -- Beck/Aidy/Pete/Leslie/Kate/Cecily/Kyle/Kenan/Alex/Chris
7-- Celebrity Cameo -- Danny Pudi/Chance the RappeChevy Chase
8 -- Recurring Bit (Rep Cast) Name For A Bonus Point -- Kate characteCecily characteLeslie and Kyle backstage/Pete’s Chad/Beck and Kyle 10-1/Leslie characteAidy character
9 -- Ensemble Piece Pick -- Price Is Right/Family Feud/High School Theatre Showcase/Black Jeopardy
10 -- * Name An Impression or Stand-Up We Will See On Weekend Update*
11 -- * Name A Recurring Character or Stand-Up We Will See On Weekend Update*
12 -- Other Political Impression In The Episode -- Sarah H-Sanders/Melania/Pence/Kellyanne/Trump boys
13 -- SNL Staple -- Music Video/Game Show/Dating Show/Impressions Opportunity/Political Sketch Outside Cold Open
14 -- Recurring Bit (Featured Cast) Name For A Bonus Point -- Mikey characteAlex characteMelissa impression/Chris impression/Heidi characteLuke's Brody Chode
15 -- Featured Player Who A Sketch Is Centred Around -- Melissa/Luke/Heidi/Chris
16 -- Ten to Oneland Belongs To -- Beck and Kyle/Heidi/Kate/Melissa/Leslie/Kenan/Mikey/Cecily
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


2018.04.04 15:52 fanboybtes New feature! WRITER'S TABLE READ DREAM '30 SKITS

NAME YOUR 30 SKETCHES SPLIT INTO THESE SUBS -- PICK YOUR TOP 10-13 BITS -- CUT AFTER DRESS!
What I think could be pitched at the table read today:
RECURRING CHARACTERS - Get Woke with Tamika (Leslie, Heidi) - Candice (Cecily, Beck, Kate, Chris) - Kyle/Leslie recurring piece (Kyle, Leslie, Jost, Beck) - Shud (Kate, Melissa, Cecily) - Reese De’What (Kenan, Leslie)
SNL STAPLES - Price Is Right (Beck, ensemble) - High School Theatre Showcase (Aidy, ensemble) - Dating Show (Cecily, Mikey, Chris, Kenan) - Quiz Whiz 2020 (Cecily, Beck) - Mueller Files: Behind Closed Doors (Kate)
UPDATE - Leslie Jones (Leslie) - Olya Povlatsky (Kate) - Bailey Gismert (Heidi) - Stormy Daniels (Cecily) - Steve Smith/Cameron Bancroft (Mikey, Alex)
TOPICAL PIECES - Avengers Parody (ensemble) - Jesus Christ Superstar (Mikey, Kyle, Beck) - Australian Cricket Tampering (Mikey, Alex, Pete, ensemble) - Russian Dinner (Beck, Cecily) - Oprah Show (Leslie, Melissa, Kate)
TEN-TO-ONES - 90s sitcom (Beck, Kyle) - Dying Mrs. Gomez redux (Melissa, Cecily, Pete, Alex, Luke) - Brody Chode (Luke, Kenan, Alex, ensemble) - Shanice Goodwin (Leslie, Heidi, Luke, ensemble) - Women in Workplace (Kate, Cecily)
NEW FROM NEW CAST MEMBERS - Rapper character (Chris) - Bad guitarist (Luke) - Weird girl (Heidi) - Owen Wilson Show (Melissa) - Bad dater (Alex)
submitted by fanboybtes to LiveFromNewYork [link] [comments]


MGTOW: Woman Teaches Obedience Training for Men Probability Comparison: Sex, Dating and Love - YouTube Boyfriend rates my vacation bathing suits! - YouTube Strictly Soulmates: Christians (Dating Documentary)  Real ... Heidi Klum Plays 'Who'd You Rather?' - YouTube Interracial dating: ICP Interviews The Gettem Girls x Puerto Rico

Heidi Mueller and Matthew Lawrence - Dating, Gossip, News ...

  1. MGTOW: Woman Teaches Obedience Training for Men
  2. Probability Comparison: Sex, Dating and Love - YouTube
  3. Boyfriend rates my vacation bathing suits! - YouTube
  4. Strictly Soulmates: Christians (Dating Documentary) Real ...
  5. Heidi Klum Plays 'Who'd You Rather?' - YouTube
  6. Interracial dating: ICP Interviews
  7. The Gettem Girls x Puerto Rico

This video talks about how some women degrade men. Like, Share, subscribe. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/art... What are the chances of finding the 'Perfect Partner?', What about getting friend-zoned, having multiple partners, getting married or divorce? Perhaps the od... Category People & Blogs; Song Bum Bum Tam Tam; Artist Mc Fioti; Album Joga o Bum Bum Tamtam; Licensed to YouTube by The Orchard Music, Kontor Records, ONErpm, UMG (on behalf of RW Produtora ... Adding a little spice to this video, and having Vic rate my bathing suits for vacation! We will be filming the whole time, and cant wait to share it with you... Donald Glover Meets The Girl Scout Who Went Viral With 'Redbone' - Duration: 10:54. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Recommended for you Documentary following singletons from different religions as they search for a partner, beginning with three evangelical Christians. Katy Hailes, who split f... Heidi Klum is very single and was very ready to play a round of 'Who'd You Rather?'